


Ikizukuri

by ChestnutPatronus14



Category: Hannibal (TV), Hannibal Lecter Series - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dark, Alternate Universe - Serial Killers, Blood and Gore, Cannibalism, Cannibalistic Thoughts, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Murder, Past Child Abuse, Psychological Torture, Psychological Trauma, Serial Killers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-22
Updated: 2016-01-30
Packaged: 2018-04-22 21:50:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 22
Words: 32,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4851713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChestnutPatronus14/pseuds/ChestnutPatronus14
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hannibal Lecter was the only man who ever understood Will Graham, more than anyone could have ever foreseen.  In their sessions, Hannibal was able to draw out that darkness that lived inside Will bringing them closer together than either man had been with anyone in the past.  Yet their story could only end in one way, the world thinks them dead, yet they are anything but.  Will Graham and Hannibal Lecter survived the fall.  </p><p>Their sessions together hold the secret events of what happened, and what led up to the events that day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ikizukuri

**Author's Note:**

> Greetings everyone and welcome to my first Hannibal (NBC) fanfic. This fanfic will draw on influences from the television show, as well as the books and movies.
> 
> I am going to mention this now so please pay attention. The first chapter takes place after the end of Season 3. After chapter one, however, the story will be told as a lead up to that point, and from the point of view as Hannibal and Will's sessions together.

 

> **Ikizukuri:** A sashimi style dish made from live seafood often fish, octopus, shrimp or lobster. The animal is filleted after being picked, and the meat is placed on top of its body. It is controversial due to the treatment of the animals.

Will Graham opened his eyes, the light blinding him as if he had awoken staring straight into the afternoon sun.  It had taken all of his energy not to close them again, lay his arm over his eyes and drift back into the welcoming darkness that had taken hold so easily of his mind.  His memories were fuzzy and maybe that was because of what had happened at least if his memories were correct about what had happened the last time that he could remember having opened his eyes.

 

_Their eyes met, Will’s moving to the wound, the blood that was spreading across Hannibal’s abdomen.  The Dragon had arrived, earlier than they had both planned for.  This was not the way it was supposed to work.  This was not how it was supposed to go.  Will reached behind him, fingers going for the gun that he had concealed beneath his shirt._

 

In that moment things began to take focus as he slowly pushed himself into a sitting position, his bare feet hitting the cold floor.  That night they had been after Francis Dolarhyde, the Red Dragon.  Things had not gone to plan.  Not the plan that he had created with the FBI, no the plan that he and Hannibal had created.  The Dragon had been a problem, and they had to fix it.  One last case, their swan song.  Except…

 

_There was a blinding pain that shot through his head as if it had been physically ripped in two when the knife sank into the side of his skull._

 

Will lifted his hand to his face, touching the bandage that was there as a horrifying and sickening thought came to mind.  The light, the intensity of it, it was all because-  Shaking fingers moved towards the center of his face, and came into contact with another bandage, this one covering his eye.  One eye was open, the other was hidden behind the bandage.

 

_Another wound, the pain as the knife sank into his shoulder, his vision blurry as blood seeped into his eyes.  The Dragon was attacking, going to kill Hannibal and Will did the only thing he could think of, he attacked, stabbing him in the leg with the knife that had just gone into his shoulder._

 

He looked around, his brows furrowed in slight confusion, none of this was recognizable.  Yet all of it felt familiar to him in a way that he could not quite comprehend.  Why did these walls seem so familiar?  His hand moved to rest on the bed again, fingers curling in the fabric of the sheets.  What had happened?  

 

_Knife in hand, he drew the blade across the Dragon’s stomach, as from the corner of his eye he saw Hannibal rip the man’s neck open with his teeth.  He stumbled back, watching with Hannibal as the Dragon fell, blood spreading out beneath him.  Will couldn’t stay standing, he was on his knees, the pain starting to overwhelm his senses.  Yet as Hannibal drew near, he reached up, reached out, and felt a wave of relief surge through him as Hannibal helped him to his feet._

_“This was all I ever wanted for you Will.”_

_“It’s beautiful…”_

_His fingers curled into Hannibal’s shirt, trying desperately to stay upright, to fight back the darkness that was threatening to come and consume him.  His last conscious thought was how damn glad he was that he was in Hannibal’s arms._

 

There was no other choice before him, at least none that he could fathom.  If his legs would work then he’d get up, he’d figure out where he was, and he’d find Hannibal.  Carefully, more worried that if he stood up to fast he’d pass right out, Will got to his feet, surveying the room.  The walls and floors were stone, the blinds on the window open, but not so much that it should have woken him.  There was a dresser in the corner as well as a desk and a-

“Winston.” The dog looked up, wagging his tail as he padded over to Will, licking at his hand.  How as this possible?  He ran his fingers through the dog’s fur, looking around once more.  “You have any idea where we are?”  Winston just looked at him, as if he was waiting for him to say the right word.  He had one in mind, it was a possibility but if Winston was somehow here…  “Hannibal.”

That got his attention, Winston went over to the door nudging it open and going through it, looking back at Will as if to say ‘come on, follow me.’  Will did, following the dog down the dimly lit hallways, Winston’s nails clicking against the floor.  The smell was what first got his attention, not the smell of mildew, which he would have expected from such a place, but the scent of food.  Sounds of cooking.

He stepped into the kitchen, and froze.  There was Hannibal, pulling something out of an oven.  Hannibal, alive, and at least he sure seemed to be well.  Winston went over and sat down by the oven a source of heat.

“You’re-“

Hannibal looked up, setting the baking dish down and moving over to Will.  “You should not be standing William, I was going to come see you this morning.”  Hannibal led Will over to the table, had him sit.  “You have been unconscious for quite sometime.”

“But you…you were….”

“Shot? Yes, I know.  Lucky for me it was a wound that did not hit anything that would have ended my life.  There are quite a few people in the medical community who are like myself and were willing to come help out the both of us.”  Will must have had a confused look on his face as Hannibal continued.  “The trauma to your head was severe, in order to save your life you had to be in a coma to help reduce the swelling with medication and constant supervision.  My own injury, while it does still pain me, allowed me to provide some level of care.”

Winston came over, put his head in Will’s lap.  The dog was older now, Will could see it in the way he moved, his joints seemed more stiff.

“Chiyoh brought Winston, made sure the others found good homes if they were not with Molly and Walter.  The dog from the Jacobis was brought to Molly as well.”

Will looked into Hannibal’s eyes, his head tilting to the side as Hannibal pushed back some of Will’s hair.  “The world thinks us dead Will, we’re-“

He leaned up, silencing the other man with a soft kiss.  “-Free” the word was nothing more than a whisper, but he knew that Hannibal would hear it.

They were finally free.

 

 


	2. Aperitif

> **Aperitif:** An alcoholic drink taken before a meal to stimulate the appetite 

 

Will sat in the chair, his eyes unfocused, lost in a sea of conflicting thoughts.There were images that were stuck in his mind, floating around as if they were ghosts calling him, asking him to save them.The girls in white with brown hair, asking him why couldn’t he have saved them.  

_Why didn’t you save us?_

_Where were you when he was killing us?_

_This is your fault! We’re dead because you did not do your job!_

Yet he knew that he had made the right decision when he had pulled the trigger, no matter how his stomach twisted and turned into a knot that he could no longer deny existed.It had been the reason he had left the police force, his inability to fire his weapon when it came down to it.It had not felt it was him though, he had felt as if it was some terrible movie he was watching.The gun firing, the girl bleeding, Will desperately trying to save her only to be pushed aside by Hannibal, the doctor who could save her.

It had felt like someone else, something else had guided his hand to pull that trigger.

_You killed me Will._

The distinct scent of rotten flesh filled his nose, enough that Will brought his hand up, pressed his wrist against his nose to try and block the smell that was, in reality, only something that was happening in his mind.The decaying corpse was not far behind him, whispering those words into his ears with breath that could make even someone with the strongest stomach queasy.  

 _You killed me.We’re alike you and I.We’re both_ **_killers._ **

“Will.”

That was his name.Where was-

Will Graham looked up his hands clenching the arms of the chair that he had been sitting in.Wide eyes looked around the room, and for a moment, he did not recognize where he was.The walls filled with books, the fire place, the figure of the stag, the large wooden desk in front of the fire place, before his gaze finally settled on the well dressed figure sitting across from him.The doctor, the one that had been forced upon him when all Will really wanted to do was yell at Jack for putting him in such a situation.

Where did Alana Bloom and Jack Crawford come off doing this to him?At the very least Alana knew his feelings on psychologists and psychiatrists.He was a unique case, and the one thing Will had never wanted to be was unique.Was the the kind of individual that doctors were dreaming of getting in their offices, the one who may change the field of psychology, a man who could empathize so completely with another individual he could become them.It made him an excellent profiler, but in a way that maybe Alana did understand, it made him vulnerable.If his mind could not recover, he would not recover.  

It was why he taught, he wanted others to be able to at least do what he could, in part, for no one could do what he was capable of unless they were exactly like him.

“Tell me Will, was that the first time you had fired your weapon at someone?”

“I’ve fired my weapon before Dr. Lecter.”The response was instantly, the muscles in his jaw tensing at the words the other man spoke.Will got to his feet moving away from the doctor, distancing himself from what was causing him to become anxious.

“Was it the first time you killed someone?”

He did not reply, he did not want to reply.His eyes were on the books, inspecting them as if they held some great secret.Old volumes, tomes about psychology, psychiatry, philosophy, books on the arts and music dotted the walls, organized in such a manner that Will half wondered what would happen if he moved a few around without the other man’s knowledge.“You have quite the collection Dr. Lecter.”

“I find that in my spare time I drift towards things that allow my mind to be at ease.” Was his voice closer?

“You’ve read all of these?”Will moved, feeling Dr. Lecter’s eyes on him as he moved along the shelves, nearly bumping into the ladder that led up to another row of books.  

“Most of them.”No, the doctor’s voice was not any closer to him than it had been.“Do you feel a need to put such distance between you and I?”

“I’m not a fan of being psychoanalyzed Dr. Lecter, I find it rude that I was even forced to come here.”

“All members of law enforcement must go through sessions with a psychologist after a shooting Will, a fact that I am sure that you are keenly aware of.”Dr. Lecter tilted his head, his hands in his lap, one leg crossed over the other, his eyes following as Will continued around the room.“Your friends were looking for you.”

“My friends know very well how I feel about psychiatrists.”

“And how do you feel?”

“How do you think I feel?”When the doctor said nothing, Will felt his shoulders tense, his hand on the statue of the stag at that point. An image flashed through his mind, bringing the statue down against Dr. Bloom’s head, blood flying from the wound.His hand jerked back, and he shoved it into his pocket, finally taking a seat back in the chair across from Hannibal.“I’m not crazy.”

“I did not say that you were, did I give you that impression?”

“You’re not the one who decided it was best for you to work with me.”

“You are angry with Alana Bloom?”

“She’s not my mother.”The words came out of his mouth so quickly that Will froze, almost in complete disbelief that he had uttered such words.His eyes instantly dropped to his lap, his fingers rubbing together in a circular motion, trying to soothe himself before he said too much again.“I do not need to be taken care of like I am some sort of fragile doll.”

“You are able to empathize with people, I can understand why Dr. Bloom would fear for your safety and well being Will.It is not unusual to only want the best for your friends.”

“I don’t have friends.”It was another confession that Will had not wanted to admit, and it was baffling to him to think that this man who he did not even want to talk to he was talking too.So far he had said more about what he actually thought than he ever had to Alana.“I don’t make friends easy.”

“You have difficulties in social situations? I would have thought you would have been able to manage them easily with your empathy.”

“Between sociopath and autistic I’m more towards the Asperger’s side of the scale,” Will said, shifting how he was sitting, his arms folded across his chest.He did not want to be there, he did not want to keep talking to him.“I like dogs, I can relate to dogs and understand dogs and get along with dogs, people scare me.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because I know what humans are capable of, the destruction that we can cause to other people, what Garret Jacob Hobbs did to those girls.”Will shook his head, sinking a bit lower in his seat.How long did he have to stay there and talk?How long did he have to keep being near this-

“Tell me about the dog you had as a child.”

Will went silent, his shoulders seeming to slump a bit more.“A coonhound, his name was Randy.I got him when my dad noticed that I did not have many friends and I was alone a lot at home.”

“Where was your mother?”

“She did not want to be around her demon child.”Will reached into his pocket then, his fingers pressing against the bone shape dog tag that was in there.It was old, the color faded, but etched into it with his young hands, Will had put Randy’s name.It had become a token, something that he could hold onto if he was feeling alone, or scared.Randy always was near him, even when things got tough Randy had always been there.“Randy was my best friend, he did not look at me like I was some dark creature.”

New Orleans held a lot of horrible memories for Will, not all of which he was willing to discuss, or ready to discuss.His eyes moved towards a shadow he saw in the corner, the giant black stag, the one with feathers watching him.As a child, he could remember that dark figure, a dog that had always been by his side.Randy had been able to make it go away, yet without him, it seemed to have returned.

“Why were you called that?”Will did not answer, his eyes down, away from Hannibal.“Will?”

“I don’t like looking at people, makes them feel uneasy.”

“Why is that?”

“Eyes are distracting,” he said trying to get as far away from his childhood as possible.It was not something he wanted to talk about, it was not something that he ever did talk about.“They reveal too much about a person, what they really think, what they really feel, their intentions and thoughts.”

“Might I try something?”Will did not answer.“I want you to look at me, in my eyes.Do not analyze me, I want to know you, I want to understand who you are.”  

It was an absolutely terrifying idea, and, fingers still wrapped around Randy’s dog tag, he lifted his eyes and met Dr. Lecter’s gaze.What he saw was an intelligent man sitting across from him, a man who had seen too much, been through far too much and lost as he had.He saw someone who understood what it was like to put his mind into those of people who were less than stable, less than sane, maybe even the mind of a killer.He saw someone who was like him, he saw someone he could connect with, he saw someone that-

Will looked away suddenly, unwanted thoughts, feelings flying through his mind to the point where he had to look away.His head ached, his entire body seemed to go tense again.He did not hear the doctor move, he did not see him kneel in front of him, only when Dr. Lecter took his hand, did Will look towards him.

“I saw an intelligent man, who has suffered in ways that no one can comprehend.A good man who acted to save the life of a young girl, a man struggling with the guilt of killing another human because it felt good.It felt good to kill someone who had hurt so many didn’t it?”

Will wet his lips, his mouth going dry, unable to look away from Hannibal, all he could do was nod his head.  

“Your guilt is something understandable Will, it is not something that you need to be ashamed of.You are no different than a young hunter completing a successful hunt for the first time.I can help you Will, you do not need to share this burden alone. Would you permit that?”

Will did not like contact, he did not like other people being so close, but with Hannibal’s hand resting on top of his knee, it did not seem like the weight of the world was resting upon his shoulders.The ghosts, the girls seemed to drift away, the corpse vanishing before his very eyes.  

“I can help you.” _You are not alone anymore._ “I am not your psychiatrist, I am someone who you can talk to.”

Someone who could help him through the darkness, someone who could guide him back out of his own tangled mind.It was someone who understood him, an ally when to the world he had on a mask of a normal human. “Okay.”

 


	3. Amuse Bouche

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning:** There are several graphic depictions in here, including that of murder, and suicide.

> **Amuse Bouche:** A small savory item served as an appetizer before a meal.

 

Will was back on the balcony, his fingers moving along the spines of the books.The events of the past few days had been playing over and over in his mind on repeat.It was as if there were a thousand movies playing at the exact same time, and there was nothing that Will could do to drown out the noise.It had him on edge, but nothing more so than hallucinating Garret Jacob Hobbs had.That, for Will, had been his tipping point, what had sent him back to Dr. Lecter.It was not the same thing as the stag that he had noticed in the hospital.Hobbs was different, darker, a symbol of what he was truly capable of and what he could do if he could just pull the trigger.

Freddie Lounds seemed to know what he was.The Tattler article’s words were laughing at him, as if there was something crawling and clawing at him inside trying to break out.A psychopath hunting psychopaths, it did make for a good story, yet for Will it brought up old woulds, reopened them and let them begin to fester again.Demon child, the demon child who drove his mother to the point of-

“I’m not a psychopath I’m more towards the Asperger’s end of the scale.”

“What was that Will?”

His eyes looked over the railing, the farthest he could be from the doctor, while still remaining in the same room as him. Dr. Lecter was staring up at him, as if asking him what he had-had he said that out loud?

“Nothing.”Nothing that Will thought was worth repeating, even if Dr. Lecter may have wanted.

“Did someone say that you were a psychopath?”The doctor’s hands were on the ladder, as if he was about to come up to join Will, and that was enough to make his skin absolutely crawl.

“You mean to imply that you did not see the Tattler article?The FBI is not just in the business of catching psychopaths but head hunting them as well.”There was a mocking tone in Will’s voice, sitting by the edge of the balcony his legs between the bars, hanging off of the edge.It was as close to feeling grounded as he could possibly get in that moment.

“How does that-“

“Dr. Lecter if you’re about to ask me how it feels to be called a psychopath I will throw one of the books down at you.”

Silence hung in the air after Will’s threat, though he thought that it was perfectly within reason, no one seemed to understand how difficult all of this was to him.They wanted him honored, they wanted him to be proud of what he had done, when for Will it felt like the shadows were wrapping around him, pulling him back, pulling him down into an inescapable place from which he could never recover.Being called a psychopath, that had only made him certain that that was what was happening, hands coming up from behind grabbing him dragging him back and all he had to do was reach out and-

“I’m not good at connecting with people.”

He broke free, he had escaped at least for the moment, he did have something, or someone at least, that he could grab onto to help him back up.Will had not noticed Hannibal was now beside him, a few feet away, but on the same level as he was. “I’ve never been good at connecting with people.Able to get into their minds, able to know what and why they are doing what they do, yes, but never actually connecting.”

“Stammets wanted to bury Abigail so that you could connect with her?” Will glanced towards Dr. Lecter, towards the outstretched hand.If he took it, what then?Did that mean that he was going to accept help, that he was going to let someone inside his mind where in the past he had never let anyone else in.Not even Alana, who he did trust within reason.

Will nodded, getting to his feet, ignoring the offered hand.He was not a fungus, he was not a parasite that fed off of others in order to survive.He was different, he was human.“He thought that if he buried her, then I’d be able to connect with her.”

“What scared you more, the fact that he might have been right, or that you might have lost this girl who you seem to have become attached too?”

He opened his mouth to answer, then closed it, his brows furrowed slightly.He couldn’t answer that, he did not want to answer that.Will pushed past Hannibal, back down the ladder, back to the stability of the floor beneath his feet.In that moment, Will wanted nothing more than to be able to go home, he did not want to be there any longer.  

“You saw Jack?”

“You are deflecting Will.”The accusation hung in the air, that he was deflecting, avoiding discussing things that were making him feel uncomfortable.It was what he did, it was how he was able to cope with situations that had been making his anxiety level sky rocket for years.  

“You didn’t answer my question Dr. Lecter.”

“And you did not answer mine, I propose this, answer for an answer. Quid pro quo if you will.”Will nodded, that was something that he could do, would take some focus of of him for a few moments at the very least.“Jack came over for dinner, as he is not my patient I am able to tell you that he was concerned about you. Your turn Will.”

“I…Both.He was right, I do not connect with people and maybe in his mind her dying would be the only way for me to connect with her.Maybe I’m worried about that as well.”After all, the people he seemed to be able to connect with the easiest, were the psychopaths and their victims.What if those were the only ways he could ever have that connection with someone?When he lifted his eyes towards Hannibal, around him were the figures of his friends, those who he knew; Jack Crawford, Alana Bloom, Beverly Katz, Jimmy Price, and Brian Zeller.Each one was dead, a different method, a different way that seemed to fit who they were, what they were.

Jack with the back of his skull blown off, the overwhelming guilt of losing another agent having taken over his better sense.Alana Bloom, beautiful as always, yet with her limbs going in different directions, a fall, something that would keep her perfect, yet utterly shatter her on every level.Beverly Katz, the one who seemed to never be afraid of him, who did not wear kid gloves with him, the one so good at detecting the hidden fibers, her neck bent, a dark bruise around her throat.Jimmy Price, one of the world’s foremost experts in finger prints, his hands and feet gone, any method of identification save for that ID badge pinned so carefully to his jacket gone. Brian Zeller, the coroner, the one who could figure out how they died, his body covered with welts as if he had been boiled alive.

There in the back was Abigail, blood coming from her throat, her mouth open in a silent scream as the others moved aside reaching out for him, begging him to save her.All he had to do was reach out and take her hands and pull her to safety.That was what he could do, he could save her from becoming like him.He could keep her from being so entirely alone.

“I can’t connect with the living,” Will said watching as the figures one by one seemed to melt away back into the darkness, and yet still the knot was in his stomach.“Why did you have dinner with Jack?” he asked, desperate now to turn the focus away from himself and back onto Dr. Lecter.

“Because I was establishing a connection.”His voice was so close that it nearly caused Will to jump.Dr. Lecter’s hand was soft on his shoulder, guiding him from the room and into the kitchen.He pulled a chair out for Will, and he sat.“I find that, personally, it is much easier to establish a friendship through conversation and over a good meal.”

The granite was cool against his hands, helping to keep his mind in the present and not the thousands of thoughts that were going through his mind.“Is that why I am-“

“Do not be rude William, it is not your turn.”Will was certain that there was a smile on Hannibal’s lips when he said that.“Why did you really leave the field?I do not want to hear it was because of your inability to pull a trigger, I want to hear the real reason.”

Will’s hand moved to his shoulder, to the spot where the knife had tore through his rotator cuff, the moment when everyone had realized it was for the best if he no longer worked in the field at the FBI.He could remember the worried looks.“An UnSub I was helping Jack find came after me, put a knife through my shoulder because I couldn’t pull the trigger to stop him.I started teaching after that. My students…the applauded when I walked in the room.”

“You took offense?”

“Quid pro quo Dr. Lecter.You know I don’t like therapy, why are you talking to me?”

“No one deserves to be alone Will, and you and I share something in common, an ability to get into the minds of others.It is an isolating feeling, to exist within a world where thoughts are to be the most private, yet we can know them even if it is not on purpose.”Dr. Lecter paused, having taken a container from the fridge.“You took offense to your students clapping?”

His eyes followed Dr. Lecter’s movements as he began reheating what was in the container.“It was not appropriate, I’m not a hero, you applaud for heroes.”

“But you are Will, you saved Abigail Hobbs, and countless other young girls from the hands of her father.All you had to do, and what you were able to do, was pull the trigger, and you saved them Will.You saved them all.”Steam seemed to come from the pan on the stove as Hannibal placed the contents of the container into it, the aroma of spices filling his nose, ones that were familiar to him.

“Gumbo?” A boy from the south, from New Orleans, Gumbo was something he was all too familiar with, and it had been a favorite of his as a child.There was no way that Hannibal could have known that was there?  

“Yes, it was made a day or so ago, but the flavors develop better the longer it cooks, it was something I thought you might enjoy.”But the timing had not been right, Will did not need Dr. Lecter to finish that statement.It was what he was familiar with, never invited anywhere, always left behind no matter what it was.He was used to it.“I thought perhaps, the next time I prepare such a dish you would wish to join me and learn.”

There was a bit of light that seemed to appear in Will’s eyes at the idea of someone inviting him to some place, of someone who wanted to teach him something he had longed to learn for years.His diet could be equated to one of a five year old, adding in coffee in place of chocolate milk.“Did that count as my question?”

“No.”

“Are you my therapist?” 

“No.What you and I are, is different from that of a therapist and a patient, after all you and I are simply having a conversation.”

That seemed to take some of the weight from Will’s shoulders, something close to a real smile forming on his lips.Dr. Lecter was not his therapist, he was someone who he could talk to, he was someone who did seem to understand him despite the fact that so many people before him had tried, and all had failed. 

“How did it feel to pull the trigger again?” Dr. Lecter picked up Will’s hand, placing it on the handle of the pan, covering it with his own.

“Powerful.I felt powerful.”

* * *

 

Will placed his coat over the back of the chair in Abigail’s room, taking a seat by her bed for the moment.He understood their fear, he understood why they were concerned that he was spending so much time here with her, but what they did not understand was what he saw in this girl.He saw himself.His father the one who had stood by, for Abigail it had been her mother; his mother the one who had tried to kill him, and for Abigail it had been her father.Will let his fingers curl around her hand, a protective, reassuring gesture.

“I won’t let anything happen to you Abigail…”

_I won’t let you become like me._

 


	4. Potage

> **Potage:** A thick soup made of meat and vegetables similar to a stew.

 

_I want to go home._

Those were the only words that had come out of his mouth after he had seen what had happened at the Hobbs house.Jack had not let him leave with the others, Jack had kept him at the cabin to do what he did best and his friends had gotten hurt, Abigail had gotten hurt.It was his job to protect her, he had to keep her- No…he didn’t have to keep her safe.He was not her father, he was the man who had put ten bullets into her father. But shouldn’t a friend at least protect his friends?He could have stopped Nicholas Boyle from hurting Alana and Dr. Lecter.He could have done something to keep that other girl safe.

_You said he wouldn’t kill this way again._

_It appears I may have been wrong._

Will was rarely wrong, to the point where the fact that the girl, Marissa, had died because he had been wrong was eating away at him.It felt as if there was an animal inside of his stomach trying to claw its way out, twisting and turning and ripping to get free. Any thought of food, of doing anything else slipped so far out of his grasp that…maybe Freddie Lounds was right about him.Maybe he was insane, maybe he should have realized when the FBI refused to give him an active agent status because he had not passed the psychological portion of the test that he truly was unstable.He had failed one girl, how many others had he failed?How many others had he let down so dearly that the price had been their lives?

How was he supposed to move past this?He wouldn’t, Will knew himself well enough to know that this was going to eat away at him until he could not bare it, or until he caught the copycat killer.He had missed his appointment, had missed his classes, all he had done was gone to the grocery store to get the meat to make the dogs food, and bait so he could fish.There was no socializing for him after something like that, there was far too much playing in his mind.

Preparing the food for his dogs was one of the few activities besides escaping into his own mind that helped him to relax and focus.He had to pay attention to the cuts he made, the way the knife moved through the meat, the correct amount in each of the bowls, the right ingredients.The smell and sounds of the meat cooking just enough so that it would kill any bacteria or other diseases in the meat so his dogs would remain safe.It was when he was feeding the dogs that words from the day before began to play through his mind.

_I was going to say something but it sounds too insulting so I’m trying to find a nicer way to say it._

_Say it the insulting way._

_Dogs keep a promise that people do not._

_I’m not collecting another stray._

The dogs were eating, the sound suddenly so overpowering that it was consuming his entire mind; their chewing, Alana’s accusation were on repeat.His hands had started to shake, covering up his ears as if that would block out the sudden onslaught of noise.

“Shut up!” He wrapped his hand around the knife that had been on the counter and sent it flying into the wall.“Shut up shut up shut up.”His entire body had gone tense, his head down hands gripping tightly at his head. “Shut up…”

“Will.”

There was a hand on his forehead, a familiar and rather distinct scent filling his nose, and that voice that was penetrating through the din to reach his mind.His eyes, shining with tears, looked up to see Hannibal with concern in his eyes, his hand on his forehead.He was there and he was trying to pull him back.“I want you to listen to me, just the sound of my voice.Focus on it.”

Will was trying, his one hand moving to latch onto Hannibal’s wrist, giving him a sense of stability.“H-how?”

“The door was unlocked, the dogs were barking.”The hand on his forehead, moved to his shoulder.“Dr. Bloom called, you missed several of the classes you were supposed to teach, and our last appointment.I came to make sure you were alright.”

Focusing on Hannibal’s voice was helping, it was drowning out the sound of the dog’s chewing, of the accusatory tone that had been in Alana’s voice when she implied that Abigail was just another stray that he was collecting.So he listened as Hannibal spoke, as he talked about how Abigail was, what had happened since they had returned from Minnesota.He spoke about the dogs that Will loved so much, said how he seemed to be doing a good job at caring for them and that they seemed to really love him.

“How is the noise now?”

“Better.”Will let his hand fall away from Hannibal’s wrist, looking over towards the door where the dogs were standing and watching him.“Dr. Bloom thinks I’m treating Abigail like another stray.”

“And what do you think?”

“I…I just want to help her.I don’t want her to become like me, I don’t want her to go through the same things I did when I lost my parents.”Sure his had been years a part, and not at the hands of someone else, but for him who had such difficulties making friends to begin with, losing his parents had been like a bucket of ice water being dumped on his head.“I want her to be able to get what she needs.” _The help that she needs._

“You want to replace her father?”

“No! I don’t want that I can’t be, I wouldn’t be a good father to anyone.”That did not mean he did not want to protect Abigail from everything, give her a place to sleep were she felt safe.“Freddie Lounds told her I’m insane, said I wasn’t a real agent because I wasn’t stable…”

“I remember.”

“It isn’t wise to piss of someone who thinks about killing people for a living.”Will shook his head, turning towards the wall to pull the knife out of it.He set it in the sink, beginning to wash the dishes.“You drove six hours to make sure that I was okay?”

“I would do it for anyone.”

“I don’t believe you,” Will remarked, carefully cleaning the knife before he set it aside to dry, starting on the cutting board.“Why are you here Dr. Lecter?”The wall had gone up, Will did not want to talk to him any longer and he was going to let it show if the conversation went on for much longer.“Don’t tell me it was because Dr. Bloom was worried, or that Jack was afraid that his prized pony is broken.”

Yes he had heard, one of the techs had overhead the original conversation, and were talking about it in the break room…and Will had heard.He was a broken pony, a damn bloodhound that Jack pointed in a direction and said go.He was nothing but a tool, to Jack, to Katz, Price, and Zeller, to Bloom.That was all he was to them; a means to an end.

It made him angry in a way that he had not felt since he was a child, powerless and unable to speak out loudly enough that people heard him and listened to him.He wanted to do more, he wanted to be more than what he was. 

“I was concerned for your well being.”

“As a therapist or as my friend?”

The words hung in the air between them as Will looked towards Dr. Lecter.If the doctor looked into his eyes, he’d see that same darkness reflected back in them.He’d see the anger and the pain, the need to lash out against those who hurt him, those who had used him.He’d see the predator that was lurking and waiting to escape, the animal that was clawing at Will’s gut.

“I don’t want a therapist, I do not need one, they all told me the same thing.Medication will help, I recommend therapy once a day until we resolve these issues.There’s more going on with you than your empathy.Have you been diagnosed with Asperger’s?I’m sick of doctors I’m sick of people thinking that I am some fragile piece of glass they have to coddle or tread so lightly around so they won’t break me.You know what I am to Jack? A bloodhound.And Dr. Bloom wonders why I prefer dogs.”Will scoffed, pushing away from the counter, grabbing the towel that lay by the sink to wipe the water from his hands.“What I want is to know what you are.”

“I am your friend Will.”

“Then tell me, what would you do if I said I don’t know if I’m sane?If I said if I got close enough to the man who murdered Marissa I’d put a bullet in his skull without hesitation?”

“I’d keep your secret.”

“You’re a mandated reporter aren’t you?”

“I hear a man who wants to help people, save them from the pain that he suffered as a child, and one who is angry that someone died who he could have saved. What I do not hear is a many telling me that he is going to walk out the door and commit a crime.”

Will went silent, his eyes on the floor, thinking over his next words.“I’m not insane doctor.”

“I do not believe you are.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Next chapter will have mentions of child abuse in it. Another warning will be posted once the chapter is uploaded.


	5. Œuf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There are mentions of child abuse within this chapter.

 

> **Œuf** **:** Egg

 

It was the worst feeling in the world, and Will was not entirely sure how he was supposed to handle what had happened.He had worked on cases that involved children before even one that had been children killing other children.It was not a new concept for him, but children who killed their entire families because another woman had said that they should, had convinced them it was what they had to do that was new.It was impossible for him to be rational.There was no compartment in his mind that he could shove the hurricane of feelings back into a nice box.It was not going to happen, and not even his normal ritual of turning all the lights on in his little house and moving out into the grass until it looked like a boat on the sea was working.

_“Papa? Where’s mama?”_

_“Mama won’t be home again Will.”_

_“Mama gone?”_

_“Mama’s gone.”_

Will was waiting outside the door of Hannibal’s office, he had wanted to go in, had worked up the nerve to go in and talk and finally answer the question about his mother.Or he had until he saw the car he recognized as Alana’s there.Dr. Lecter had company, he was busy he probably didn’t have time for him, but there was no harm in waiting inside the office was there?Will had not thought so and that was why he had gone inside, a book in his hands.It was old, tattered, in truth it was his journal from when he was a kid and he thought it would help if he could not actually get the words out that he could show him the entry.

He took the time to look around, just investigating the office more than he had ever gotten a chance to in the past, at least…at least until he heard the sound of voices.He moved closer to the door that he knew led to the doctor’s residence, the kitchen specifically. He recognized Dr. Bloom’s and Dr. Lecter’s voices, but it was the third that felt like he had been hit in the stomach by a baseball bat.Abigail was there as well.

He should not have come, he should not have bothered to go there, but Dr. Lecter had said his door was always open, but now?Now he realized that wasn’t true, there were times when he could just disappear, and probably should have.Any sense of confidence he had left in that moment.That sense of loneliness was back, and settled in, ready for the long haul again.Will had not expected it to hurt as much as it was, but the idea of Dr. Lecter having a meal with Dr. Bloom and Abigail like how a family would, it was far too much for his mind to handle.He was there though, and he couldn’t leave.It was a long drive back to his small hotel room and right then he wasn’t entire confident that he would be able to drive in a straight line.

Instead he hid, up in the corner of the balcony, his face hidden by his arms.He had no idea how long he had stayed there, no clue how long it was before he heard the car pull away.His mind had been elsewhere, in the forest, following the shape of a dog, watching as it shifted from a dog to a large stag with jet black feathers.

“Will?”

The voice sounded so far away, distant, muffled as if someone was speaking through a pillow towards him.What brought him back was the hand on his shoulder, the gentle touch meant not to startle him, but to provide him with some level of comfort.It didn’t, he knew who was at the other end of the hand, he knew it was Hannibal and that he had intruded when he should have just left and stayed away.  

“I was hoping to talk to you.” The guard went back up as he got to his feet, refusing in that moment to appear as if he was a scared or upset child.He was not a child, he was a grown man, he was more than the ghosts that lurked within his mind.“I heard you were busy I just waited, I hope that is okay.”

“It is quite alright Will, what did you want to talk to me about?”

Will said nothing, avoiding the question by climbing back down the ladder, knowing Hannibal would follow.“The case.”

“Dr. Bloom spoke briefly of it.Would you tell me how it ended?”

“A twelve year old held a gun on me, and I really believe he would have shot me because that woman told him to.”That was not what was bothering him, what was bothering him was the feelings and memories that the case had brought up.She had created a family, had gone about it a different way…Will had done that, but with dogs.What he had wanted to do with Abigail was try and give her a home.There was not much difference was there? Only her father died at his hands, not her own.

“Is there something you are not telling me Will? Jack said that you were familiar with the topic of children murdering children.”Will didn’t answer, shoving the book into his pocket.“Tell me about your childhood Will. You said you were poor, always the new boy in school because you moved around.Where are you from?”

Something must have betrayed his thoughts and line of thinking, something in how he was holding himself, or his lack of eye contact.Something had given it away.

“New Orleans.” He had a faint smile on his lips, shaking his head.“A great place for a kid with an unusual ability.”

“A town with many superstitions with a strong route in religion-“

“Led to me having the lovely nickname of Demon Child curtesy of my mother.”

A thick silence hung in the air after his admission, enough that it gave Will time to think, an attempt to figure out just how much of himself he wanted to reveal to the doctor.He hated them, he always hand.They never had anything good to say to him or about him beyond what a fascinating case he was.A truly unique specimen.Will often wondered if his father had been offered money, if he would have been sold to a place where he would have become the main attraction.No…guilt over what his mother had done had led to his father keeping him.

“None of the kids wanted to play with me, not after I said to the entire class that our kindergarten teacher wasn’t drinking apple juice, and it was cause the phone with her husband kept reading that she was drinking.Even less so when I pointed out why two of their parents were always seen together when they weren’t married.”Really, Will managed to isolate the school in a matter of days.Sure he didn’t understand half of what he was saying, but the concepts, fear, anger, needing to be loved and have someone to love.Those he understood, abuse and affairs, alcoholism and addiction, not so much when he was a young kid.He was probably in second grade when that happened, two years after his mom died.

“It’s why my dad got me my first dog because I was always alone.A runt, coonhound, I called him Randy. He was my best friend, my protector, he’d walk me to school then wait for me outside when it was time to go home.”There was a sad smile on his lips, his fingers brushing against where he knew the picture of Randy was in his pocket.It was a good luck charm of sorts. 

“Tell me about your parents.”

“Bit cliche of you doctor.”

“Humor me.”

“My dad worked a lot.Didn’t know my mom I told you that.”He couldn’t do it, he could not get the words out of his mouth.

“Why did you not know her? Did she die?”

“That’s what I was told.”

“Told?”

Shit.He had let his tongue slip, and he had revealed that he only did not know his mother because it was what he had been told.“My dad told me that when I was a kid, that my mom was dead.”

“What happened Will?”

For a moment he said nothing, he could not even look at Hannibal in that moment. “I was angry with those boys, they were able to give up so willingly something that I had wanted for so long because some woman told them too.They were able to stand by and watch as their siblings their parents were killed, and they were able to pull the trigger on their mothers.”He laughed, though it was completely strained, uncomfortable, a way more to ease some of the tension that was starting to coil in his stomach.“And I’m jealous of them, because someone found them and made a family, that they were able to do what I wanted to for so long.I wish that she had found me because there are times I honestly believe I would have been better off.”

“What happened with your mother William?”

“She tried to kill me!”The words came flying out and now he could not stop them.“I asked my dad if I could visit her grave one mother’s day, he had been drinking, so when I asked I pushed him over the edge.I was little, I barely remember it, but she tried to drown her demonic child in the bath tub. She wanted to baptize me with water, to save my soul from the demon that lived within me.” His entire body was shaking at that point. “Dad sent her away, told her not to come back, she did, and he had her committed to a hospital near Richmond.”

“Is that why you moved to Wolf Trap? So you could always know where she was?”

“I don’t feel safe anywhere, being close enough that I know if she gets out seems like a good idea.” Also the fact that he was able to have his dogs did help.  

“You said you wished that the woman had found you, is it because you want to kill your mother?”

Will clenched his jaw then nodded his head, suddenly very aware of the stag in the corner of the room, the dark eyes watching him.“Not just her, there are people who I have helped catch that don’t deserve to live.”

“What would you have done to your mother Will?”The unasked question of what was his design.

“Drowned her, made her look up at me as she struggled to breathe so she could feel the fear that I felt as a kid.The sense of unease whenever I went into the bathroom.”He wasn’t looking at him.“I want her to be as afraid as she had made me, I want her to understand what I’ve been through.”

“If you had the chance, would you?”

“I would kill her if I had the chance.”

It was the first time that he had spoken those words aloud, despite the fact that he knew that Hannibal could easily report him, could easily say that he wa planning a murder.Will knew he wouldn’t, he could not explain how, but he just knew that Hannibal would not tell anyone about what he had said.There was something he saw in his eyes that told him that.

 


	6. Coquilles

> **Coquilles:** A dish where scallops are prepared with a cream sauce in a scallop shell.

 

“Do you wish that there was someone to pray over you as you slept Will?”

“I didn’t need someone, I had Randy.”

It was several days after the case with the Angelmaker, and several of those images were permanently burned into his mind, but none more so than of the man on his knees, telling him he knew what was inside of him and that he could draw it out.There was something in him, those whispers were returning with a force that was frightening to Will.They had been around when he was younger, the name he had given to the dark thoughts that would rush through his mind.There were few people that ever survived those thoughts, but none that had ever been followed through on.At least not that he could remember.

“The dog acted as your guardian, some would say he was your guardian angel.”

“I don’t believe in that sort of thing Dr. Lecter.”

“No?Last time you slept walk you ended up on your roof by the edge.It was the dogs who were barking that woke you up correct?”

Will didn’t answer just looked through the book that he had taken off of the shelf.In truth, he was beginning to worry that there was something wrong with him.His hallucinations, after all that had to be what the stag was right, were far more vivid than they had been in the past, and there was something else.He was having a harder time pulling himself back out.It was hard for him to look, but it wasn’t because of what he saw, it was because of what would enter his mind.Those images that would stir the beast inside his chest, make him want to act where in the past he wouldn’t have done that.

It seemed to him that things were changing in more ways than one.Jack did not care about him, that was what he had figured out over the past several days, coming to a solid conclusion after their conversation in the barn.He did not care about his mental health, so long as the crimes were stopped. It did not matter how hard it was for Will to look, although he had left off the part that it was hard to look because there was a gut instinct to admire the work rather than look at it with disgust, so long as the killers were stopped. Jack was a good profiler, had to be to be where he was in the BAU, he could notice that subtle change in his facial features, the one that would give away his admiration for the kills.

“Did Elliot speak to you Will?”

“He was dead when we found him.”When no reply came from Hannibal, Will shifted a bit uncomfortably in his seat.“I may…have seen him afterwards, my mind…the perception.Just made it seem like I was talking to him, when I knew it was impossible.”He said he could draw it out, he said he saw me for what I was.”He shook his head a bit, rubbing at the back of his neck.Maybe it was the truth, maybe that had been his mind’s way of telling him a truth that was too impossible for him to imagine.

“What is it that you think he saw in you Will?”

“A demon.”  

The words hung in the air the weight of them astounding.Will had always been adamant about the fact that he was not what his mom and his neighbors had thought he was.For him to say it out loud, and to someone that he trusted and respected, it was a major step.Will looked away from Hannibal, towards the side his gaze unfocused for the moment.“I’ve been seeing things.”

“Things that make you agree that you are a demon.”

“Yes.”

“The idea of a demon and being a demon, you no longer see it as simply because of your empathy.”

Will nodded his head, covering his eyes with his hand.“I keep having dreams, dreams that are vivid, that feel real.The crimes I’ve worked on only I’m the one…”He swallowed past the lump in his throat.“I’m the one who finds the people, the murderers and I kill them.I make them pay for what they have done like how I made-“ _Like how I made Garret Jacob Hobbs pay for what he did with ten bullets to his chest._

“It is not uncommon for someone in your position to have dreams such as that, I would imagine that the reason they are so vivid is due to your empathy.They feel real because you know how it would feel to kill someone.”It was unsaid, but Will knew that the part that was left off was about how good it had felt to kill someone who had been doing something so bad.“Am I correct?”

“You asking me if you’re correct seems almost a bit silly, you’re the doctor here aren’t you?”

Hannibal chuckled nodding his head. “I am a doctor but you are not my patient Will.We are having a conversation, one I would very much like to continue if you are willing to.”

“Been seeing other things.”Will said abruptly, fiddling with the fabric of the chair.“A stag, with feathers.”He shook his head looking towards the statue of the stag in Hannibal’s office.“I can remember the figure as a kid it was more like dog then, but I called it the whispers.I never told anyone about them.They wanted me to do things, things that would make those who hurt me pay.I could ignore them, it was easy once I had Randy.”

“Would you say the whispers were an imaginary friend or a projection of your mind’s desires that were too horrible to accept?”

“The second one makes the most sense from what I have learned about psychology over the years, a defense mechanism or something…”

“We often resort to behaviors and mannerisms that we had as children in times of great stress.”

“Children will also hold onto objects that bring them comfort.They have a home base that allows them to explore safely.They go out and return to that home base.”

“Is that what you need?A home base to which you could return to can draw you back after you are finished exploring the parts of your mind you’d rather not touch?”

“No.Yes.I don’t know.”It was a complicated question if Will was being entirely honest with himself.He was a good man, and maybe that was what was making answering the question so hard.Not just because of what those dark thoughts wanted him to go, but because of the man sitting in front of him as well. He had a bond with Hannibal, he was drawn to him in a certain way that he could not entirely describe just that it was unlike anything he had experienced in the past before.“Not sure how much longer we should be having these conversations doctor.”

It was a queue a subtle hint that he was becoming uncomfortable, when he started to specifically call Hannibal ‘doctor’ as if it was an acknowledgement of his title, of his status over him.Hannibal was his doctor, even if what they said were just simply conversations, Hannibal was the one person who he could talk to; the one person who understood him.

 


	7. Entrée

> **Entrée:** The main course of a meal.

 

It had been one of the most complicated cases that he had worked on in a long time.It was not typical for him, though nothing about his job was typical, yet he had little way of knowing for sure if Dr. Abel Gideon had been working alone, made to think he was the Chesapeake Ripper, or he was simply saying it to get a reaction.It was always possible that he had simply overheated someone else in the hospital talking about the killings since Chilton was a consultant on the case.It was possible to overhear what was going on especially if Gideon had as relaxed security that it was let on to be during his conversation with Dr. Chilton.In truth, Will had been willing to help with the case and controversy surrounding Abel Gideon even if by doing what he did best he was shaking, but the idea of staying in that hospital made his stomach feel like he had swallowed a pack of nails.

“Tell me Will what was it like for you to stand in that hospital?”  

“Like my worst nightmare coming true.”Will was looking through one of the art books that lined the walls of Hannibal’s office, focusing his mind on the details of the images, the lines that danced across the page and the colors that filled in the intricate designs.“They wanted me to go into one in high school after my dad got sick. I failed the psychological test for the boarding school he wanted me to apply to.”At the time he had still been underage, and people were not entirely willing to let a fifteen year old with a dog live by themselves.“My dad convinced them I did not need to go to the hospital, that I was perfectly capable of living on my own.Mentally I was stable, able to live by myself, it was the psychological part that had people up in arms.”

“You are a unique-“

“I already heard that from Dr. Chilton.That I am a unique combination of personality disorders and neuroses that make what I do just so fascinating.”Will scoffed, sliding the book back onto the shelf.“Pretty sure within five minutes of talking with me he’d classify me as having avoidant personality disorder, or borderline personality disorder.I don’t even know I don’t need another person inside my head, it is crowded enough with just me.”

“Are you worried about what a doctor like Chilton might say about you?”

“Oh I know what he’d say, he would classify me as someone who was unfit to be around people, needing to be locked away and with his help I might be able to return to polite society.”

“Is there a difference between the way you see Chilton, Dr. Bloom, and myself?”

“Of course I do. Chilton sees me as a patient that he could dissect with a pair of pincers.Alana sees me as a friend and you….”Will could not say what Hannibal saw him as.“We’re having conversations aren’t we? That’s not something you do with someone who is your psychiatrist.”

He looked over towards Hannibal, standing across the room from him.It really had been a long past several weeks.There had been so much going on that his mind had been overworked, stressed, and pushed to its limits over and over again.There were ideas and thoughts that he was processing, images that were getting harder and harder to push out. Images of things that were so dark, he wanted to claw out his own eyes so he would not have to see them again.

“I do not believe that you are insane Will, I believe that you have a complicated mind that processes information in a different way one that there may be many people who cannot even begin to understand.”As Hannibal spoke, Will kept walking around, looking at the different items in the room.“Even now as you explore and examine the world around you, I am certain that you are not only imagining a variety of scenarios that could happen in this room-“

_Fingers curled around his throat, the rungs of the ladder pressing into his back, Hannibal’s lips on his own._

“-but can hear every single word that I am saying. I’d be curious to know what you think has happened in this room.”

Will paused, his fingers just on the edge of a drawing on a side table.“People come in here and tell you their stories, they weave tales of sorrow and pain, of agony so intense that it would cripple most people, but not them.They are survivors.They are the ones who want to bare the burden and not let others suffer.”He closed his eyes for a moment, letting his other senses work.“Jack’s wife and her cancer, Abigail talking about her family, her father.Our own special sessions.”His eyes opened looking at the page that his fingers had landed on, and the recognition was instant.The body, the placement of the poles…

His breath seemed to stop as the doctor’s hand laid on top of his own, the heat radiating off of the other man kicked his mind into high gear, and triggered something else, something darker that he had not felt since he had admitted what he wanted to do to his own mother.He was trapped, between the table and a predator of incredible skill, one that he knew in the back of his mind that Jack Crawford would love to get his hands on.“Psychopaths are drawn to certain professions, surgery is one, law enforcement is another,” he said, his voice a hushed whisper, more tentative than anything else.

He could feel the other other hand move from his arm up along his shoulder, around his neck, just enough that his head was tilted back, his throat exposed.Images were flashing across his mind, not of what could possibly happen to him, but what might have happened in this room to the trainee.“She came here, she saw that picture I looked at, and you.You didn’t kill her, she was not on display. They never found any remains until-“Until her severed arm had shown up in the observatory.

“Are you going to tell Jack Crawford?”The doctor’s breath was hot on his skin, a question that while sounded innocent enough, held the weight of the world.An answer to live or die by and Will knew it. He could feel the slight pressure, enough to pass along the message of how easily Hannibal could end his life.A bit more, his throat would close, cutting off the oxygen to his brain, his body would scream and protest trying to get at the air, until he couldn’t take it, until the world went back and he slipped away.

Every fiber in Will’s being told him that he had to tell Jack, or at least that was what a good man would do.He was no longer certain that he was a good man, that his mother had been right.There was something in him, something dark, a demon.What if she had been right about him all along?How many times could he continue to go down the rabbit hole and expect to come up without any problems?Or maybe he had never gotten out of it during that first time.

Will turned his head, skin brushing against the calloused hand of the other man, enough to look at Hannibal out of the corner of his eyes.“No, why would I tell him I found a rendering of an old medical document?”His eyes moved over Hannibal’s features before finally settling his gaze on the other man’s eyes as best he could.There was something in them, a predator, a hunter.Someone who could kill and really not see it as murder, not see it as stain upon the world, rather, removing one from the world.“Are you going to kill me?”

“No, why would I kill someone that I promised to help?”The words were soft, said so close to him that Will was certain if they were any closer, they’d kiss.“I said I would help you, and I fully intend to keep that promise Will.”

 


	8. Sorbet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Implied cannibalism and depictions of violence.

> **Sorbet:** A dessert consisting of frozen juice or flavored water and sugar.

 

“They know I am good at what I do and yet they questioned me, each of them.”Will had been frustrated, had spent the better part of the past two days so frustrated that he was talking more than he was thinking.It was why when Will had gotten to Hannibal’s, at first he was uncertain if he should even go in.He waited outside the door, hoping that at some point he would be able slip in with a proper invitation rather than just barge his way in.When he had been invited, it had turned into a full blown triad against what had happened with the others who he worked with.The best? They made him feel like he was a graduate student who had no idea what he was talking about.“Of course the body in the tub wasn’t the Ripper, he tried to save him. They kept saying it was and I just-“ Will had wanted to take Zeller’s head and slam it into the wall to shut him up.His eyes landed on what Hannibal was working on, some sort of meat that he was preparing.“Was I interrupting something?”

“Not at all.I bought enough protein that I would be able to prepare a special dish for you, I had a feeling when we last talked that you were bottling things up.You had mentioned that you would not make good company the other night.”He paused for a moment looking over towards Will. “You are always welcomed in my kitchen Will.My office may have hours, the kitchen is always open for friends.”  

“Liver?” Will asked moving closer to where Hannibal was, looking at what was on the cutting board.  

“You recognized it from sight?”

“I make my dogs’ food from scratch, liver is one of their favorites to have mixed in.”

“Come.” Hannibal ushered Will close, placing the knife in his hands.“We have to trim the tissue,” Hannibal instructed, using his own hand to help guide Will’s, helping him to cut the tissue away from the meat.“Then we will cube it, though that is something I am sure you could handle on your own.”

“Never really learned to cook outside of what I make the dogs,” Will said in a quiet voice not entirely willing to admit that he liked how close Hannibal was to him in that moment, and the way his hand felt over his as he helped him to trim the tissue away.“I’m afraid you’d be…disgusted to see what I actually eat.”

“I take it, it is not the diet of an FBI profiler?”

“It’s not the diet of a grown man that is for sure.”Will was focused on the task at hand, careful as he began to cut the liver into the strips before he’d cube it.“I had to cook for myself as a kid, never grew out of some of my habits.”

“Then perhaps it is time I teach you what you were not able to learn as a boy, though your skills with a knife are at least a pleasant surprise.”

“I’m a fisherman, if I didn’t know how to use a knife I could damage the meat or not leave enough that I could actually use.” His fingers felt slimy and bloody as he finished the last cut, the final piece that had needed to be cut.“Fresh always has the best taste when it comes to meat,” he commented moving to wash his hands in the sink, his back to Hannibal for the moment.There had been another thought on his mind, one that Beverly had placed there with her comment about the Ripper making sausages with the intestines. His eyes seemed to lose focus as he watched the blood run off his fingers, mixed in water as it swirled down the drain.“Is it fresh?” he asked glancing over his shoulder towards Hannibal.

“Very.” Will took the offered towel, drying his hands as he watched Hannibal continue to cook.A wonderful scent began to fill the kitchen, but Will could not take his eyes off liver as it was tossed in the pan. “Butchered earlier this evening, I do use a humane butcher so it does not suffer before hand if that it what you are worried about.”

“That is not what is twisting my stomach so to speak.” 

“Then take comfort in knowing that the animal was a particularly rude specimen.”Will cautiously took a step towards him, hesitant to truly know what was in the pan, the idea of it unsettling to him.“I could tell you more if you so desire.”

“No I think…I’m not sure if I-“

“Nonsense William, you asked me to help you,” Hannibal said as lifted a small portion of the cooked liver from the pan.“Close your eyes and open your mouth.”When Will didn’t move, Hannibal gave him a look.“Trust me.”

Will closed his eyes and opened his mouth, closing It when the bit of liver was placed in mouth.It was not what he expected, especially since in his mind he had wanted it to taste awful.It didn’t, it was delicious.When he opened his eyes, he could have sworn that there, coming out of Hannibal’s skull was a pair of jet black antlers.

“What did you think?”

“It was good.”It was the honest answer, even though he wanted to deny that it was was good as it had been.  

“Cooking is very much an art in itself, you eat with your eyes first, if it does not look appealing, less chance that you will want to eat it.”Hannibal looked into another pot, stirred it, then turned off the burner. “Tell me what you thought when you finally saw Devon Silvestri with his hand in a living person?What did you want to do to him in that moment.”

Will looked at him for a long moment then closed his eyes, shaking his head a bit as he tried to remember.

_He was standing there, eyes on the back of the ambulance as Jack called Dr. Lecter over to save the man in the back of the vehicle.Deven Silvestri stared at them, saying the victim would die if he stopped.Hannibal could save the man, Devon Silvestri.Will moved forward when he was out of the ambulance, pulling his hunting knife from his pocket.He put his hand in his hair and yanked back his head, cutting his throat in one fluid motion, blood spraying the side of the ambulance.He was sworn to protect lives and he was killing them to make money._

“I wanted to kill him.He was sworn to protect lives, to do no harm, and he killed one man, nearly another.He did not deserve to walk out of there in one piece.Why should he get to keep walking when a little girl who could use his organs to survive has to die hooked up to a thousand machines in a strange place?” _Why should a mother get to live when she tried to drown her child in a tub?_

“Things become more difficult when we look at a situation in terms of who it could hurt.”It was a simple comment, one made as Hannibal began to plate the meal.“How would you have done it?” he asked after a moment, setting a plate down in front of Will.

“Cut his throat…” Will said in a soft voice, straightening up a bit, pulling his hunting knife from the holster on the inside of his waist band.It was a safety thing, one of the things that had been helping him sleep for a long time. “Would use this if I couldn’t get a scalpel.Poetic, using the scalpel on the person who was cutting people up to harvest their organs.”

“Honor them or else it is just murder.”

“What?”

“That is what Abigail said her father taught her about hunting, you honor them.”

“Some people don’t deserve that honor.”Will put a forkful of the bulger wheat and fava bean salad into his mouth, thinking for a moment.“Devon Silvestri does not deserve that honor.”

“And if I said I had a way to help you let out some of those bottled up emotion.That anger that he got to live?”

“I’m not sure I understand…”

“Finish your meal Will, then we will see if you are ready for some harmless exploration of those thoughts that lurk inside your mind.”

Will knew almost instantly what he meant, and for a moment all he could do was stare at the plate in front of him a weight beginning to sink low in his stomach until he lifted his eyes and saw the ghostly figures of the girls who Garret Jacob Hobbs had murdered. _You could have saved us._ Will nodded his head, just acknowledging that he could be okay with that.He could be okay with learning how to do what, in his mind, was necessary to do.Some people did not deserve what they had been given.The Ripper honored them, put them on display and showed them for what they really were.

When he had finished he set his plate aside, tapping his fingers along the counter top for a long moment before he felt Hannibal’s hand on his shoulder, and he followed him down through a trap door in the floor of the kitchen.Will would have never thought to look for it, meant that it was a good place to hide.There on the table was a body, naked for the entire world to see. It wasn’t moving, there was no life left based upon the pasty color of the skin.  

“You said you wanted to cut Mr. Silvestri’s neck.”Will looked at his palm as a scalpel was pressed into his palm.“Now you have the chance.This man was like him, he collected organs, only all of his victims were dead already.Some of those organs caused people to develop cancer.”

If Hannibal had said anything else, Will had not heard it.He stepped forward, moved quickly over to the table where the body was and tugged the head back so that the throat was completely exposed to him.In one movement he drew the blade along his throat. If the body had been alive, blood would have covered him, and Will could imagine it.Fleck landing on his glasses, staining the front of his clothes covering his hand.The anger that he had felt was shown in the cut, deep, ragged, as if he was trying to mutilate the body for what he had done to those who he had harvested the organs for.This man deserved to die, this man deserved everything that he had gotten.

He was drawn back to reality when Hannibal’s fingers wrapped around his wrist, the heat of his body pressed against his back allowing Will to find his way back.“The anger, the aggression, and rage you are feeling.You cannot keep them bottled up like that, they will consume you Will.How are you feeling right now?”

“Powerful,” the word left his lips before he even had a chance to think about the implications of what he had done, of what Hannibal had done.“I feel fearless.”

“You don’t have to be afraid anymore.”Will felt Hannibal’s head rest against his own.“I can teach you how to take back that power, how to escape even your own mind for a while, let go, and feel free.”

If he agreed, there would be no going back.He would embrace what was inside of him, he would accept that he was not the innocent child, he was a predator.He was the one who people should fear.He could get inside their minds, he could know them better than they knew themselves…and he was tired of feeling afraid of his own shadow and walking around on egg shells.

“Okay. I’ll follow you.”

 


	9. Fromage

> **Fromage:** A fresh French cheese.

 

“Let me see.”  

Will had been examined in the back of the ambulance after he had nearly been strangled with the cello string.He could still feel it cutting into his skin, into the palm of his hand as he had tried to relieve some of the pressure that was against his wind pipe.It had been a terrifying moment, when he realized that the two officers that had gone with him had been killed.It had been a while since he had been that afraid, but in that moment, when he had been so convinced that he was going to die, he was truly terrified.Not just because of what had happened, but because of the implication that had occurred to him as his hand had been bandaged.  

“I’m fine Dr. Lecter,” Will said, his tone short, really in little mood to tolerate the other man.He was at his house, needing to go home after such an incident and just spend time with the dogs who knew him, who loved him, and who were always happy to see him. They never thought that there was something wrong with him, they just knew that he was there to take care of them.They were a family, a pack, and with Will there it meant that everything was alright in the world.In that moment, that was exactly what Will needed.  

The past two days had been an emotional rollercoaster for him; everything that had happened with Dr. Bloom, what had happened to him, and hearing that Dr. Lecter had been attacked.The strain on his mind had him retreating back to the comfort of his dogs when he had been certain that Dr. Lecter would live.It had been in that silence, in the comfort of familiarity, that Will had begun to think over everything that had happened, and what he knew about the ‘good’ doctor.It had led to a weight forming in the pit of his stomach, an unsettling thought taking hold.

The suggestion to go investigate a man who ran a speciality string shop in Baltimore had not come from a tipster or anything else during their investigation, it had come from Dr. Lecter.Will had wanted to believe in him, he really did want to think that for once there was someone who wanted him to be a friend, a companion. It had been his suggestion, it had been that man who had then gone to Dr. Lecter and tried to kill him.  

“Something on your mind Will?”

“Did you send me to Tobias Budge so that he would kill me?”

His past experiences, his entire life had taught him that the people who cared the most, could also be the ones to hurt you the worst.That had been true with his mother who wanted him dead, his father who spent hours at work to avoid him, and even someone who he had felt something for…he had ended up being nothing more than a curiosity.As his hand and neck had been bandaged, his ear examined by the doctor, the events kept playing over in his mind, and led to the assumption that Dr. Hannibal Lecter had lied, he was not going to help him, he wanted him dead.

“Why do you ask?”

“Because I don’t think he went to your office to kill your patient.I think he went because he knew what you are, because he was your friend.”There was a note of disgust as he said the word friend, his stomach tying itself into a knot.“The night I came here, you said you were having dinner with a colleague, that was him. I told you I could hear the music he made, I told you that I heard what that-that instrument he created sounded like and you sent me to him.You wanted me dead.”

“No.My intention was for you to catch him, he knew what I was and he was a risk.”

“So what? I know, are you going to kill me too? Or send one of your other friends after me?”

His words stopped when Dr. Lecter picked up his hand, removing the bandage to look at what the doctor who had patched him up had done. “You are different, you are able to look past the darkness, the destruction, and see the beauty in what is placed before your eyes.”

“There’s no beauty in murder.”

“And how would you describe the music you heard when you closed your eyes?”

Will glanced to the side, his eyes distant for a moment before he closed his eyes.The music seemed to begin the moment his eyes were closed.Sounds, hauntingly beautiful filled his ears.Each note weaved into a song that was like nothing he had ever heard before in his life. It was a hallow sound, the kind that could fill a room with subtle vibrations felt only through the wood floor boards.A sound that brought ghostly images to mind, remembering the dead, serenading them and calling the living ever closer to that divide that separated them.Loved ones greeted each other, families as old as the country itself were reunited together.They welcomed those who were able to cross, the ones who they cared for, the ones who they had waited so long to see.

He could remember the feeling of the neck of the cello in his hand, how it would have felt to draw the bow against those strings that were as unique and held as much life as the body of the instrument.It was a powerful sound, a sound that no one would forget would they hear it.The strings that ran along the neck, the very ones that had been used against him had strength in them and a reminder that he had survived.He had won.

“Beautiful.”Will opened his eyes looking over towards Hannibal.“It sounds beautiful.”

“See? I would not put you through something so ugly as becoming a stain in that man’s orchestra, you are much more than a single instrument.You have power Will, and one day you will be able to embrace that, be a creator all on your own.”He felt Hannibal’s thumb rub just beneath where the cut was on his palm, the pressure causing a slight burn, not painful enough to make him pull his hand back.“Not everything you see holds that brutal ugliness that people in your profession attribute to it, some if not all, holds meaning to the individual who created it.Even if it is not a work of art, it shows something about who that person is in the way a composer or painter would put a piece of themselves in each work of art.”

“Or the way a chef would?” Will asked after a moment, leaning back against the counter in his kitchen.The dogs, who had been hovering since Hannibal had come in, had gone and gotten onto their beds quietly relaxing.

That earned him a soft chuckle from Hannibal.“Clever boy,” Hannibal commented, moving to turn the kettle on.“I would not send someone after you William, you are important, someone who can see me.”

“Could say the same about you.”He hesitated then carefully tugged off bandage that had been around his neck.It had not been a deep cut, and it could have been a lot worse, after all, his hand had gotten in the way.He could feel Hannibal’s eyes moving over the wound, taking in each detail of the wound, from what the doctors did, to the redness that was still around it, and the deep bruise forming.“I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not, but if that is what you insist upon saying then I have no choice but to accepting no?”

“You were hurt worse than I was.”

“Nothing that won’t heal.” 

Will watched as Hannibal picked up a damp cloth, and brought it up to his neck. “Do you not trust the doctors at the ER?” he asked, his eyes closing his eyes when the cool cloth hit his skin.

“Not that I do not believe they would have done fine work…you and I both know that you did not actually go to the ER.Your dislike of hospitals and doctors is not something that you have been able to hide.”Hannibal carefully cleaned the wound, checking it over. “I would recommend that you keep it clean, and covered.”

“Am I going to live doctor?” Will said in a mockingly frightened tone.  

“Yes Agent Graham, I believe you are.”There was a smirk on Hannibal’s lips, the cloth brushing along his neck one last time before it was set aside.“Are you afraid?”

If he had been asked earlier, Will would have answered the question differently.He had been afraid earlier that day, but now?It was hard to be afraid when Hannibal was around.“No…for the first time in a long time, I’m not afraid.”

 


	10. Trou Normand

> **Trou Normand:** A small drink of Calvados is taken in between courses during a long meal, sometimes served with sorbet.

 

A lot had happened, and there were far too many thoughts going through his mind for him to be able to piece through them one at a time.All he wanted was a few minutes of just absolute quiet, a part of him wondered if he had that then he would be able to make sense of what was going on.It was complicated, and everything had been made more complicated when he learned just what had happened with Nicholas and Abigail.Not that he was giving much weight to what happened with Abigail, not now that he really did know what she felt about him.He had no right to barge into her life and act like a father, when he had been the one to kill her father.

Yet Hannibal had kept that from him, something that would have edged him closer to him, he had kept this secret, what other secrets had he been- No it did not matter, after all, while Hannibal was a psychiatrist, he was the one who would talk and have Will talk to him.This man who claimed to be a friend, he knew so much about him, and Will knew nothing about Hannibal beyond what details he could parse through their simple conversations.

“Is there a reason that you think it’s okay to keep secrets from me?” Will asked after having sat in silence for a long enough period of time during his normal ‘session’ with Hannibal.It was one of the methods he had used in the past when talking with someone about his mental health, he would sit in silence until they just gave up, but he couldn’t do that with Hannibal.Hannibal actually listened to him, it made him want to talk.

“It upsets you that I kept what I knew about Abigail a secret from you?”

“Yes.”

“Why is that Will?Would it have made your decisions regarding her different? Would you have acted around her differently?”

“I would have put up more of a protest, I would have done what I could to keep her safe.”He paused then shook his head.“No, she wouldn’t want me to do that.I’m not her father I’m not supposed to be acting like that.”

“You took what she said to heart?”

“Of course I did.You know what I’ve said about my past, my parents.”

“She is an eighteen year old girl who lost everything and wants people to like her Will.”

That stopped Will dead in his tracks; he knew exactly what she was going through probably better than Dr. Bloom or Hannibal.He had gone through that when his dad died, and some child advocate or social worker had told him what he should do.They recommended a hospital, having him live in a home with others like him.Will had refused, he said he’d make it on his own and he did.He got into college, and look at where he was now. He was a top profiler, a teacher at the FBI, and he had saved so many lives by catching the killers that he did. 

“You know what it is like to want people to like you despite everything that was going on, don’t you?”

Will nodded his head, rubbing at his forehead a bit. 

“How are you feeling Will?” 

“Exhausted…”He had not been sleeping that well, and when he did the dreams were so vivid that he woke up on more than one occasion.Or there was the third option where he would sleep walk to some part of his house or be found by the police had be brought back to his home.“I haven’t been sleeping that well.”

“And your hallucinations?”

“The same but, I’ve always been able to see things differently, these just feel different.”They felt as if they were real, manipulating, dangerous.It was difficult for him to explain to Hannibal.“There has to be something wrong with me.”Sure he knew that he had never been the most stable person in the world, but he had never experienced hallucinations in such a way before then. 

“There is nothing wrong with you William.”Will watched as Hannibal stood up, and offered him his hand.After a moment’s hesitation, Will took his hand, and allowed Hannibal to pull him to his feet. “And if there is we will figure out what we are going to do about it.For now I want you to tell me, imagine Abigail, tell me what you see when you look at her.”

Will looked at Hannibal for a long moment, the closed his eyes, let the world around him melt away form him.When he opened his eyes, there was Abigail and her father in their cabin, her hands bloody, looking at him as if question if she had made the right choice.A glance to the side and he saw the body of a young woman, hanging, blood draining from her lifeless form.

“She helped him,” Will said in a quiet voice, almost as if he had to force the words from his lips.“She’s like us.”

He had not even realized that he had said ‘us’ until he felt the hand grow just a bit tighter around his own.Us…what did it mean us?Was he like Hannibal because of his ability to understand the human mind? Or was it because of that dark whisper in the back of his mind, the one that Hannibal was so easily drawing from him, giving life to.

“She is like us Will.I kept a secret to keep our daughter safe, as I would keep any secret that would keep you safe.”He could feel Hannibal’s hands on his shoulders, giving him that weight that allowed his mind to come back to reality, and allowed him to open his eyes fix on the desk that was right in front of him.  

 


	11. Buffet Friod

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is longer than others, as it was an important one in the storyline.
> 
> Content warning: Depiction of sex, descriptions of violence and murder

> **Buffet Friod:** A cold meal where guests typically serve themselves dishes that have been prepared.

 

“How are you feeling Will?” Hannibal asked, his voice calm, something that Will was thankful for.It had been a long past couple of days, and losing time had done a number on his mind.It was the idea that he was mentally ill that he was dealing with, and Hannibal so far had been his only real source of stability.

“I don’t know, is that an answer?” Will asked, tapping on the arm of his chair in a rhythm that he was using as an attempt to soothe himself.It wasn’t working. 

“It is, though I must admit the fact that you are unable to put a name to how you are feeling brings a certain level of concern.”

“I’m fine Hannibal.”

“I believe that you truly think you are Will,” Hannibal said, and Will watched as he got to his feet.“Now, Dr. Bloom and Agent Crawford should be here soon, would you like to help me with dinner?”

 

_He wrapped his hands around her throat, pushing her down beneath the water, a smirk on his features.Her eyes so similar to his own were wide as her hands tried to claw at his own to get free, but were unable to from the slick gloves that covered his hands.He could watch, he could see the bubbles shielding her face from him, and as the bubbles began to slow, his grin only widened across his features.The bubbles slow, and he saw her eyes fixed on him.“You were right mom, I am a demon.”_

 

“Will!” He jerked back to reality, his face covered with sweat, hair clinging to his forehead.It felt like he could not breathe, all eyes were on him, including Dr. Lecter’s.It had been dinner, Hannibal cooked, Dr. Bloom and Jack Crawford were there as well.They had been…what had they been talking about?Georgia Madchen. Of course they had been talking about her, of course they would want to dissect her mind and her body to find out what made her tick, what made her special, unique…rare. “Will.”

His eyes focused on Hannibal who had moved to his side, carefully pulling the broken glass from his hand, uncurling his fingers to look at the cuts and shards in his palm.“I’m sorry…” he said, his voice shaking.He felt cold, as if he was not even sure that he was entirely awake.Of course the other two looked worried, hell Dr. Bloom looked like she was ready to get out of her chair and mother him…which only made him want to put his hands around her throat and strangle her. He hated how she looked at him with those false eyes.She said she was a friend, she said she cared yet she could not put aside her professional curiosity to spend time alone with him.Friends don’t do that.

Friends don’t push someone until they were on the edge, on the breaking point and no longer sure if he was awake or asleep.Friends did not ask their friends to stare into the abyss and not offer a hand back out.Jack was doing that, Jack insisted that he was a source of stability, but Will no longer believed him.What had been stability had been his teaching job, the dogs, and the knowledge that if he wanted to go home, all he had to do was cancel class. Jack had dragged him into the field, Jack had pushed him to the edge.Jack didn’t want his precious bloodhound to-

The world around him seemed to shift as he lunged across the table, sinking his teeth into Jack’s neck the way a dog would a cruel handler.He bit down, hard enough he could hear and feel the windpipe collapse, the coppery taste of blood filling his mouth.

“Will.”There was a hand on his shoulder, that comforting touch that was drawing him back to reality steadily and surely.The only person who could call him back.His eyes were unfocused, desperate to find Hannibal’s face, but unable too.The world seemed so blurry, but he could hear movement, people arguing, Hannibal’s voice telling Jack and Alana they needed to leave, that he would take care of Will and call them in a couple of hours.

With his eyes not trustworthy, he focused on something else, the throbbing pain in his hand.Think, focus, figure out how it had happened.They had been talking, the conversation had switched to Georgia and then, he had blacked out.He had grasped the glass of water in his hand, he had refused wine because he wanted to keep his mind sharp, so forcefully he had shattered it.Why?What had bothered him so much?

“I’m like her.”

“What was that?”

“I’m like Georgia. I’m something no one understands, I can barely hold on to who I am…she believes she’s dead and I can shed my personality like a mask.”He opened his eyes when he felt a hand on his cheek finally able to focus on Hannibal’s face. Jack had been wrong, it wasn’t him who was his stability, it was what Hannibal had been providing him.His voice and his touch was enough to pull him back from the dark abyss and help him to remember who he was.He was Will Graham, and he was in Baltimore Maryland at the home of Dr. Hannibal Lecter.He was there, he was human, and he was alive.  

“You’re not like Georgia, Will.You know you’re alive, you know who you are.You are rare, you are unique, but you are able to know you are alive, that you are here with me.”Hannibal’s thumb brush along his cheek, just under his eye.“Come, I’ll tend to your hand and we can get you cleaned up.”

Hannibal made to stand up, but Will stayed where he was.“I killed her, I saw myself kill my mom, and Jack. It felt so real and I-“He shook his head.“I wanted to strangle Dr. Bloom because she liked like she wanted to care for me.”

“It is okay Will, come.”Will was looking away from him as Hannibal helped him to his feet, leading him away from the abandoned dinner table and into the kitchen, pulling out a stool for Will to sit on by the counter.  

Will’s eyes remained unfocused, his head still swimming with the images that he had seen.“What’s wrong with?” he asked as Hannibal took his injured hand in his, carefully starting to remove the shards of glass from his palm.

“You are coming in to your own, you are embracing who you are, your mind is only showing you what it truly wants.”There was something that Hannibal was not telling him, something that the other man would not say.“You spoke of what you wished to do to Jack and Alana, I am curious what you saw when you looked at me.”

Will lifted his eyes from his bloody palm, looking up at Hannibal.What did he see…Will slid off of the stool so that he was standing in front of Hannibal, barely an inch from him.“Eyes show so much about a person, that they are distracting,” Will said in a hushed tone, his eyes meeting Hannibal’s.“What I see when I look at you? I see-“He brought up his injured hand, carefully pressing his palm to Hannibal’s cheek, his skin cool against his hand.He leaned closer to him, his lips close to Hannibal’s giving him that chance to move away from him.“I see freedom. I see someone who I have been looking for my whole life. Someone who really sees me.”Will pressed his lips to Hannibal’s in a soft kiss, enough that his intention, his emotion was apparent to the other man.“Someone like me.”

Though, in his mind, he was about to have someone push him away, and he had accepted that.He was not impulsive, and what he had just done, it could have easily crossed a line that could not be fixed.That was something he could accept.He pulled back, his eyes moving away from Hannibal, but as he began to pull his hand back, Hannibal caught his hand in his.Will watched, his breath caught in his throat as Hannibal brought his bloody palm to his mouth and pressed his lips to it.The look in his maroon eyes seemed different, darker if that was possible with a hungry look that Will had not seen in his eyes before. In one swift movement, Hannibal was in front of him, pinning him between his body and the counter.

Their lips were so close that Will could feel the heat against his face, their noses touching briefly before they met in a kiss, different than the one before.It was more demanding, insistent, an unspoken need between the two of them.Will knew what he wanted, and he could see it in his mind as his lips moved against Hannibal’s.In his mind he could picture them, clothes of his bare chest pressed against the counter Hannibal behind him, one hand the the back of his neck the other on his waist as thrust into him.The thought was so vivid, a faint moan came from him at the nip to his lower lip just before Hannibal pulled away.

Will frowned slightly, looking at him with confused eyes.All the doubt was starting to come back, telling him that he had been wrong, It was so fast, so quick, that he barely noticed Hannibal’s hand on his forehead. “You’re warm Will,” Hannibal said in a soft voice. “Let me take care of your hand, and you can go lay down.”

“I don’t want to lay down I want-“

“Do this, and in the morning, if you still want this.”His words paused as Hannibal pressed a kiss to his cheek, stepping back. “Can you do that for me?”

Will managed to nod his head, watching as Hannibal started to clean the blood from his hand.A part of him wondered if Hannibal knew what was wrong with him, if he knew, and just did not want to admit what was going on to him.He flinched slightly as the bandage was wrapped around his hand, do so in a skillful way that only a former medical doctor would be able to do.  

“Do you trust me Will?” Hannibal asked as he pressed a cool cloth to Will’s forehead in an effort to calm the fever that seemed to have taken over his mind.

“I do.”His eyes closed, trying to focus on the feeling of the cool cloth against his skin rather than the images now swirling through his mind.

“Enough to know that I will do what is best for you, what has to be done in order for you to embrace who are and keep you safe from people like Jack Crawford?”  

“Yes.”There was no hesitation in his reply, where with someone else he may have hesitated.His methods were not as sound, his methods may have been alternative, but they were working.

“Then know this, sometimes to become who we are meant to be, the world around us must shatter, be broken down so we can be built back up.”Hannibal took his other hand for a moment, then let it go, motioning for Will to follow him as he led him to one of the bedrooms, specifically his own.

Will looked around, his hands in his pockets, partially certain that this was a dream.“A little unorthodox isn’t it doctor? Letting a patient into your bedroom?” There was a teasing tone in his voice, glancing around the room that really did seem like a reflection of Hannibal.The rich colors and fine furniture all told of a man who had finer tastes, and liked the comforts that the room would provide.It spoke of something else, the same thing a look at his own room would provide, a loneliness exhibited by a bed with one side perfectly neat, and the other disheveled.  

He heard a chuckle and looked over towards where Hannibal had pulled back some of the covers.“My methods are unorthodox, but there are some lines that I will not cross professionally Will.You are not my patient Will, I would do this for someone I cared for.” 

Will could accept that, carefully shrugging out of his jacket, shaking fingers working on the buttons of his shirt, revealing a white tee shirt that was plastered to his skin.He stepped out of his shoes, his socks, making sure that his shirt and coat were folded, tucking his socks into his shoes.It was one of his habits, everything had to be perfectly neat.He paused though, waiting for Hannibal to say it was okay to climb into the bed, finding it suddenly hard to do anything impulsively.

When Hannibal held out his hand, Will took it, climbing into the bed, laying down.The sheets were softer than he had imagined, comfortable, but the kind he imagined would not get too hot in the heat of the summer, but could keep him warm in winter. His mind had drifted elsewhere, letting his senses be absorbed with the new environment, until he felt the weight of the bed move.He turned his head to the side, watching as Hannibal lay beside him, his hand on his cheek.

In the back of his mind, Will knew that he had agreed to the plan, that they would wait till morning, but laying there with Hannibal, things changed, all he had meant was one more kiss, a way of saying good night.That kiss had been returned soft and gentle at first, then deeper, more passionate. 

This time it didn’t stop with just the kiss, clothes were removed, fallen to the floor in a forgotten heap.Each kiss along his neck felt fire against his skin, hips moving against each others the pressure and friction drawing a moan from his lips.There were soft whispers, gentle reassurances mixed in with the sounds of their breaths, meant more as a distractionas Hannibal’s fingers, slick with lube, slipped inside him, working on stretching him.It burned, his muscles working to stretch around his fingers, but it ebbed away, his mind focused on Hannibal, on the look in his eyes.

His hands grasped at Hannibal’s back as his fingers were replaced with his cock, his muscles stretching around him, trying to keep his hips still.He opened his eyes when he felt Hannibal’s forehead press against his own, and offered him a small smile.“I’m okay,” he whispered, answering the unasked question, leaning up enough to catch Hannibal’s lips in a kiss.It was all the prompting the other man needed, his hips beginning to move, thrusting into him in a steady rhythm.  

All there was in that moment was the two of them, and as Will stared up into his eyes, he could see everything. He could see the predator that looked within him, he could see his desire, and the compassion beyond that darkness, all images he knew in that moment were reflected in his own eyes.His bandaged fingers curled in Hannibal’s hair, their lips just barely touching, their hips moving in almost perfect time with each other, the pace quickening. “Hannibal.”His name came almost as a plea, asking him for more, needing more.  

A slight change in the angle of his hips, and the next thrust drew a a loud moan from Will, his eyes closing for a moment before he opened them again, seeing a smile across Hannibal’s lips. They were kissing again, heated, forceful, Hannibal becoming more dominant in the kiss, biting at his lower lip.Will could feel the heat pool in his abdomen, could feel it building.He was reaching his breaking point and with each thrust of Hannibal’s cock in him, he was being drive closer to the edge.“Do not fight it Will,” Hannibal whispered against his lips.“Give in.”

What little control he had, left in that moment, as he let himself succumb to the passion and pleasure, he was in Hannibal’s hands, in that moment he was his.All it took was one more thrust, and Will came, a cry coming from his lips, his hands grasping at Hannibal’s back, hard enough that it drew blood.His back arched off of the bed, pressing his hips towards Hannibal’s, desperate to keep him close, his muscles tightening around Hannibal.Another hard, deep thrust and he heard a low groan from Hannibal, felt it as was filled with him. 

His body was shaking, his eyes closed until he felt Hannibal kiss him.It was the first time that he had not been afraid of losing himself in another person, and the first time of knowing that he wouldn’t.They kissed again, a soft noise coming from Will as Hannibal pulled out of him, moving to lay next to him rather than on top of him.

“Rest Will.” 

It was impossible not to, between his body, now tired, and the feeling of Hannibal stroking his hair, he was lulled to sleep.

A dreamless, restful sleep.

 


	12. Roti

> **Roti:** Bread, especially flat round bread that has been cooked on a griddle.

 

_It’s hard to be with another person when you can’t get out of your own head._

_I want to get out._

_Yeah well we all want things that we can’t have._

The past several days had passed by in a haze, and he was unable to figure out which parts were dreams and which were what he had actually experienced.Not that he had been able to sleep since he was in the hospital from his fever;there were few things that scared him, but hospitals were one of them.He was worried that they would not want to let him back out once they had him, sure it was a regular hospital and not a psychiatric one, but he could easily be transferred to a psychiatric one right? If he said or did the wrong thing he’d be sent away as he always was in his nightmares.So he tried to focus on what was being said to him, or around him as people came in and out of his room.

At night he could leave his room, slipper covered feet silent on the floor as he moved along the halls, looking into the different rooms just searching for any faces he recognized.Dr. Bloom wasn’t there, which was enough to ease some part of his mind.At least, until he found the ICU room that Dr. Chilton was in.There was a large bandage around his torso, machines hooked up to him that were designed to keep him alive.He had not meant to but all it had taken was a blink, then it was as if he was standing over Chilton, hands bloody, arranging the organs in such a way that they looked like a present that had been carefully hand picked and presented to the Ripper.

“He is going to live Will.” Will turned his head towards the sound of the voice, looking at the face of Hannibal Lecter, dressed as nicely as ever, coat folded over his arm.“Because you were able to determine the meaning behind one of the victim’s missing arm.A clue for Jack Crawford.You are the reason he is alive.”

“Gideon said he wondered if I would finally understand what I’ve become if he killed her.” His voice sounded hoarse, his throat sore from disuse, he had not felt much like talking when he had first woken up in the hospital.With the guiding hand on his back, he let Hannibal lead him back to his room and help him into the bed.“He was going to kill Dr. Bloom.”

“And you still see Alana Bloom as your friend?”

“Of course.I don’t…it feels like she is giving all of these mixed signals, and I can’t…I can’t remember if they are things that she has said or if it is what I have made up in my own mind.”

“That sounds awfully unfair of her.”

Will nodded his head, his fingers toying with the thin blanket that lay over his lap.In truth most of what he thought about people in his life had changed from what it was.People who he had considered friends, allies, they were being pushed aside the more he looked at them, and thought about what was going on.Jack kept bringing up that he had the chance to quit and didn’t take it, Alana did not seem to care that every time she was talking to him, trying to explain they were not a good idea, and then making comments about spending time together.It was a big jumbled mess and for the moment, what Will believed in was Hannibal and what Hannibal was telling him.

“I’m not crazy. I know who I am, I know what I am.”

“Tell me then.”

“My name is Will Graham, it is 10:30 in the evening, and I’m in Baltimore General Hospital.”

“What are you Will?”

“I am-“ He stopped short when he saw a movement by the door, and watched as Dr. Alana Bloom walked into the room, her heels in her hand, clearly meant to keep him from waking up. Something in him, whether it was a result of him being in a hospital setting which was making him extremely uneasy to begin with, or having actually said what he was thinking aloud, something in him just snapped.He grabbed the first thing that was close to him, which was a cup full of water and threw it towards her.“Leave,” he half growled at her, anger in his eyes.

Hannibal had gotten to his feet, a hand on Will’s shoulder as if to keep him from getting out of the bed and going after Alana.“Alana I think it would be in your best interest if you leave.”

“I’m his friend Hannibal, you can’t-“

“Friend?” Will snapped, shrugging Hannibal’s hand off of his shoulder.“You’re my friend? Is that what you are?Friends don’t lead each other on.Don’t say they are unstable or collecting strays.If I would be so bad for you how are you my friend?Friends don’t shoot each other down then say you want to come over and cuddle with my dogs in front of the fire.”He tried to find something else to throw, only to have Hannibal catch his wrist. “What was it you said you had? Professional curiosity, right thank you for confirming why I can’t have friends, you are as bad as everyone I met as a kid. I’m just a case to you, get the hell out!”

It was the first time that Will had ever truly acted in an aggressive manner towards anyone, let alone someone who had been there for him in the past, but over the past several days, he had become convinced of different things, including the fact that he did not trust anyone who claimed to be a friend…excluding Hannibal.Hannibal was the one person who had not lied to him, who had not tried to study him.Hell he even said that if he was going to publish something on him, it would only be after his death.

If he had been able to, he was certain that he would have hit her, or shoved her out of the room hard enough it would knock her to the ground.Wasn’t that what they all wanted?Did they not want him to be insane so they could put him in a little box and analyze his every single move and action?  

“Alana.”Will glanced up towards Hannibal at the sound of his voice.“You should leave.” She opened her mouth as if to argue, but simply left the room.  

Will waited until he heard the sound of the elevator before he allowed himself to relax back against the pillow on the bed.He did not like it there and he had no desire to remain there any longer than he absolutely had too.“Can I go home?” he asked, his voice sounding far calmer.It was as if the moment she left, something changed, someone pushed a button that had turned off the anger.Maybe he really was starting to go insane…

“Not yet Will, give it the night, and I will make sure that you are home in the morning.” 

“I hate hospitals.”

“Are you afraid that they are not going to let you back out?”

“Fairly certain they wouldn’t if they had someone talk to me.”

“And why is that?”

“I don’t feel stable, I don’t feel sane anymore.I’m not…maybe they should lock me away.”

“Nonsense Will, you deserve freedom as much as anyone else.”

“And you’re going to help me?” he asked looking over towards Hannibal.

“Of course, just remember, that sometimes for everything to change you must first break down the walls that have been built, and re-create that foundation.”

 

 


	13. Relevés

> **Relevés:** The dish that traditionally will come between the fish course and the entrée or the soup and the entrée if there is no fish course.

 

_“You’ll check out, then I want you to take Abigail to Minnesota.”_

_“Can I know why I am taking her there?”_

_“The plan is simple Will, they will believe you are the copycat, they will find evidence, and you will be put on trial.I want you to accuse me of being the Ripper.”_

_“But you are?”_

_“If we are both investigated and they find nothing, then they have no reason to hold either of us, no need for us to be under suspicion again unless we want them to.”_

 

It had been a simple plan, take Abigail to Minnesota, let his mind get off of things for a while.What he had not actual expected was the pure terror he had felt when in his mind it had felt like he had slammed Abigail onto the antlers.He had said she was as bad as her father, that Jack had been entirely right about her. She was just as bad as her father sure, but was he no better than that? Was he no better than Hannibal?They were a family, there own family with the only people in the world who could understand each other.That image of killing her however, it had shaken him to his very core…and had caused him to lose hours of time where he had no idea what he had done.

He had gone to his office at the academy, had sat there and stared at his hands for what must have been hours, or at least that had been his plan until he had spotted the stag, and slowly he began to follow.Down the hall passing students just having gotten out of a late night class, their bleary eyes not even seeing him as he passed by them.He was outside, on the obstacle course that every cadet would spend hours running through; that he had done.He had gotten through every test until it came to his psychological evaluation.He had failed, he was too unstable, and he was beginning to think that they were right about that.

His fingers curled around the room attached to the high wall they had to climb up, peering around the wall almost cautiously only to feel his shoulders completely relax.There was Hannibal standing on the course, watching him with the eyes of a predator the way they would look at prey.In that moment, he suddenly felt uneasy, wary, as if something that he had done had caused such anger that the other man would have changed his mind about him.

“You were supposed to wait at my office Will.”

“I went to my office. I had thought-“

“You had thought what?A reasonable person who had lost time in such a way would seek the shelter of their therapist’s office.Not in the solitude of their own work place.”

“Wouldn’t that be a good place to hide for a person on the run? A place that everyone would think would be so obvious that it would be insane to go there?”He was rationalizing and he knew it, he did not like the thought that Hannibal was angry at him for forgetting the plan.He did not want to admit that he had lost time, he did not want to admit that he had panicked so completely that he had felt like there had been no other choice but to try and hide.

“What happened Will?”

“I don’t remember.”

“You don’t-“

“I don’t remember Hannibal!”His voice seemed a lot louder in the dark woods at that moment.“I don’t remember, I remember going to the hunting cabin with Abigail, up in the antler room.I thought I had killed her, it felt like I had killed her.I picked her up and slammed her onto the antlers and then…” He shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose.“No that wasn’t real, she said there was something wrong with me, that I was scaring her and then-“

Then there had been nothing, he had no recollection how he got onto the plane, he had no idea how he had managed to drive let alone navigate the airport without any memory of it. It was one of the longest gaps in his memory, and he still had little idea of what had happened, and he had started to panic again.He could feel that tightness begin to wind around his chest as if a python had circled his body and had started to squeeze the life out of him.

“I was on the plane and I don’t remember getting on it.”He ran his hands over his face, fingers trembling.He felt as if his head was on fire against his fingers, and he was starting to wonder if there was something wrong with him.Maybe the fever was a sign of something more, something that wasn’t medical.“What’s wrong with me?”

The touch of Hannibal’s hand on his cheek had him looking up towards the other man, a pleading, desperate look in his eyes.There was something wrong, and something had gone wrong.“I promise you Will, you will know what is wrong with you soon enough, and when you do everything will make sense.”  

Will wanted to believe him, with every fiber of his being he wanted to believe him.“You were right…I blacked out and I might have hurt Abigail.”He wouldn’t be able to forgive himself if he had hurt her.What if he had? What if he had actually done what he had saw in his-

“Will I want you to look at me and focus on me.”It was enough to draw him out of his own mind, get him to focus on Hannibal.“Do you trust me?”

“Yes. I trust you.”

“Then from here on, you can no longer know the plan.It is for your safety as much as my own.”He had not seen Hannibal take out the phone, he had not noticed the flashing lights.

* * *

 

Will opened his eyes suddenly, feeling like he was dragging his way out of the darkness of the dream.That creature he had seen…he got to his feet, staring down at his muddy feet.When had that happened?The dogs were watching him as he stood up, going to the kitchen to get a drink of water to soothe his aching throat.

 


	14. Savoureux

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Chapter specific warning:** Will hallucinates himself talking with the ravenstag, a figure that has haunted him since he was a child just in different forms.

> **Savoureux:** Refers to food that is tasty or juicy, can also refer to spicy food.

 

Everything had happened, and Will remembered nothing. A bunch of fragments of memories in his mind and all had to do with some sort of pain; sitting across from Dr. Bloom as another headache hit him, the ice cold handcuffs and breaking his thumb…and then nothing until he was at the Hobbs house.He could see Hannibal, he could hear the questions but it had been like hew as watching from outside of his own body as Hannibal asked him if this was who he really was.In fact, Will was certain that a man holding a gun, a man willing to kill someone was who he was meant to be.

But Hannibal had lied to him, he had said that it was just one he’d be framed for; he had not said it would be Abigail, he did not say that there would be four others that he was set up for.He had lied and there was no way of looking at it any more that would result in his freedom any time in the near future.He wanted to scream, and in fact, in his mind he had been for a long time.Screaming and trying to claw his way out of his own mind; this creature who he had become that day Hannibal had agreed to help him.All those thoughts, that anger that had gone through his mind in the moments leading up to the gunshot, and then there was nothing.

 Not until he had first woken up in Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane.His mind had kept him safe, his mind had blocked out the memories of being moved from the medical hospital to the mental hospital.It was his worst fear, and it had felt like a ton of bricks had settled down in his stomach the second he realized where he was.They tried to get him to talk, he knew that much, and judging from the looks he was being given, he had not said much of anything.

_He’s a demon, don’t you see that? There’s a demon in him! I’m trying to save us!_

Will ran his fingers through his hair, trying his best to remain calm to fight off the threat of a panic attack.To him it felt like the bars were closing in around him with such force that he’d be crushed under his weight.His hands were shaking, and nothing was helping to calm the tremors he was feeling.

_It isn’t a good idea to piss off a guy who thinks about killing people for a living._

_The FBI isn’t just capturing psychopaths, they’re recruiting them._

_I know what you are, I can see what you are._

He lifted his eyes and looked across the room, to him it seemed as if the wall were dissolving revealing what he was trying to hide, revealing that other part of him that was sitting and smirking.The figure, the one that looked a lot like him stood up, his fingers moving along the bars of the cell.“Look at what a predicament you got yourself into Will.Locked away where you fear most.They’re not going to let you out you have to know that.”

_But if I kill her like he would kill her, then maybe I could understand him better. I wonder if then you would finally understand what you’ve become._

_You’re sick, there’s something wrong with you!_

_I don’t feel like I dodged a bullet, I feel wounded._

“I didn’t get us into this…”Will shook his head, though he continued to watch his shadow moving around the room.He was different, every scar seemed…seemed open.The marks on his neck in the shape of handprints, the blood spreading from his shoulder, his hand black and blue from where he had broken his thumb, and a sickening crunch as bone broke, a pair of antlers slowly beginning to form.

“You didn’t? No I suppose you would not think of it like that.You still believe you are a good man.”

“I am a good-“

“Do not start with that lie again, you know what you are.You know what you are and by not being able to drag it out yourself look where we are.Look where he put us.”

“It was a part of the plan, Hannibal said.”

“Hannibal lied to you Will. He said you would be framed for one, one you could probably get off on reason of mental disease or defect.But five? He killed Abigail!He killed Abigail and he shoved her ear down your throat.Yet you are clinging to him as if he is some sort of god.”

Will was on his feet, grabbing the demon by its throat slamming it against the wall.“And without him? I would be going mad from the thoughts in my head.I haven’t needed you in years.You are-“He stared at the spot where it had been standing, suddenly gone, his hands grasping at air.

“I am you,” it whispered, its eyes having turned darker, more like those of a wolf’s than a human’s.Like the dark figure he had seen as a child, the whispers that had spoke to him, told him what to do, what he should do to those who had hurt him.“Don’t you remember Will?Don’t you remember as a child you wanted a friend.You created me, and I am you.”The figure seemed to shift, skin ripping and bones cracking until the stag he had been seeing stood before him.“You know what you are.You know what you have become. Embrace it.Don’t sit passively by while he uses you. Embrace that darkness.”The stag pawed at the floor.“He’s coming.”

Will Graham opened his eyes, having had his head tilted back, imagining some other place than where he was.It had been the footsteps that had caught his attention, and he looked towards the bars seeing the very man who was the reason why he was in there.He got to his feet approaching the bars.For a split second he wanted to rush them, reach out and try and grab him and slam his head against them.  

“Hello Will.”

“Hello Dr. Lecter.”

“I’ve come to say farewell.”

Will snorted, resisting the urge to roll his eyes, instead he moved away from the bars, back to the bed. “Say it then. It it over with and get out of here. I don’t need them thinking I’m crazier than I already am.”

“Is that what you believe you are?”

“No.I’m thinking far more clearly than I ever have in the past, and that’s all thanks to you doctor.”

“I would accept, although I am afraid I do not know to what you mean.”

Will looked over towards him with a smirk, his eyes focused, fixed on Hannibal Lecter as if he was a wolf who had just cornered a rabbit.“I got to close right?”

“That is what the general consensus is, yes, but Will I believe you would be better suited to continuing your care with another doctor.”

“Like Dr. Chilton?I’ll walk out of here thinking I’m the Ripper with him inside my mind.”

“He is a good doctor, but I am afraid that Alana Bloom and myself are too close to be objective any longer.”

“So is this a farewell from a doctor to a patient or a friend to a friend.”

“You tried to kill me.”

“I don’t remember that,” Will said getting back to his feet, moving over towards the bars.He curled his fingers around them, his face pressed between them.“I know what you are, and the world will see it too.I’ll make sure they see it.”

There it was the smirk, the reassurance that this was a part of the plan.Blame each other, make everyone around them think that the two of them had committed murders, then prove them wrong.

“Farewell Will.”

“Good bye Dr. Lecter.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this brings us to the end of Season 1 in the story, next will follow the events of Season 2. The next set of chapters will be darker, some may be written from Hannibal's point of view, some may be Will entirely inside his own mind.
> 
> Thank you all for reading this far and I can't wait to get started on the next chapters!


	15. Kaiseki

> **Kaiseki:** A style of traditional Japanese cuisine in which a series of very small, intricate dishes are prepared.

 

“You are going to have to talk to me eventually Mr Graham.”

“I am talking Fredrick, I’m just not saying what you would like me to.”Will gave a forced smile, giving off an air of attempting to be polite, when at that point Will was beginning to wonder if it would be possible for him to kill the other man by throwing a shoe at him.He hated places such as that, he hated the fact that each person there thought that he was out of his mind.His so called friends did not believe him, though he supposed they did have a reason.Not to mention the fact that the one person he wanted to turn to for support, he wasn’t entirely certain how often that Hannibal would be coming around…or any of the others considering that he had been so easily replaced at the FBI with Hannibal Lecter.

The fact that even with him, Beverly Katz had come to see him for help regarding a complicated case had said that at least one person was aware of the fact that he was the best.That did bring a bit of a smirk, briefly, to his lips, although it vanished a moment later.He was not one to brag, had never been not even as a- No for a while as a child he did, he liked that he could do something that no one else had been able to do it had made him feel like a superhero.One to many times with kids making fun of him and he had shoved that thought as far back into his mind as he could possible make it go.

“Mr. Graham I asked why Beverly Katz had come to visit you.”

“You’re listening in on my conversations Fredrick?”

“You are my patient, unlike with Dr. Lecter, the entire facility is under my control and I can keep an eye on my patients.”

“I was never Dr. Lecter’s patient.”

“No…I suppose if you had been you wouldn’t be sitting across from me in a cage.”

Will clenched his jaw, slamming one hand against the bars, the sound echoing against the stone in the room around them, but it did not even phase Dr. Chilton.That bothered him.“If I had been his patient I would never had had to speak with you. Oh no wait, I still would have, you convinced a patient he was the Chesapeake Ripper, and in response he killed a nurse, broke out of prison and gutted you.Tell me what was it like to have Abel Gideon’s hands inside you?”

“You’re not the doctor here Mr. Graham, I am.”

“And I’m not about to let you in my head Chilton.I know who I am.”

“Tell me who you are then.”

“An innocent man who is being framed for five murders I did not commit.”

“So you have said, but you can’t seem to offer up any proof.Dr. Lecter was examined and found innocent, I would like to move past this and get on to the rest of my questions.”

“And I would like to have my dogs in here with me, but we don’t always get what we want now do we?”

“How on earth did Lecter put up with you?”

“I wasn’t his patient, he was not my doctor.”

“So this is because I am your doctor?”

“Yup.”

Fredrick pinched the bridge of his nose, a sign of his ever growing frustration with Will Graham.That only brought a smile to Will’s lips.He had no desire to talk to Fredrick Chilton, and he was pretty certain that if he annoyed him for long enough he’d be put back in his cell and he can go back to fishing.It was easy enough to imagine.Or perhaps he’d have his dogs visit him.  

“Mr. Brown said that you had not eaten the past two meals.”

“I wasn’t hungry.” There was no need to explain that the reason he had not eaten was because he had thought he had seen Abigail Hobbs’ ear on his plate and it had sort of soured him to food for the next couple of hours and by that point, it had been time to sleep.His dreams had been haunted by visions of a shadowed figure using the skin of people as if they were paints, creating a picture that depicted a rainbow of different skin tones.Grotesque, beautiful, perfect image of the duality of what he did for work.  

“I am sure that you were hungry, you just chose not to.” 

“Nope I was not hungry, something about the food just did not sit right with my stomach.”

“Mr. Graham.You do understand why you’re here.”

“Yes, do you understand that I hate psychiatrists and I would rather lick a dead seal than let you in my mind?”

The orderly who was walking by had to stifle a snort of laughter, which gave Will a certain satisfaction to know that in a way someone agreed with him, or at least found what he had said funny. Will had little intention of letting Fredrick Chilton screw with his mind, he had every intention of seeing just how far he could go until Chilton just gave up trying to get him to cooperate.

“What’s wrong Fredrick? Am I not your perfect patient any longer?”Yes he was aware of what they were referring to him as, a jewel in Fredrick’s collection of the criminally insane.“What have I heard? That my perception and my empathy give me a unique insight into the psychological world, not to mention that I have been trained in criminology and have worked in law enforcement?”

“Who told you that?”

“People like to talk, I’m just smart enough to shut up and listen to what they are saying. Maybe if you were able to do that people would actually like you and not think that you should probably be behind bars like us.”When Fredrick said nothing, Will smirked shaking his head.“Didn’t you know the best people to catch the insane are the insane.You think you’re better than everyone, will go against the rules to get what you want no matter who is hurt in the process.”

“Sounds to me like you are describing yourself.”

“No I’m describing everyone around me, just not myself.That would require knowing who I am, and right now there are pieces of who I am missing. I don’t feel like talking anymore Dr. Chilton, besides it is past curfew. I’ms supposed to be in my cell and you should be running home to…yourself.”

Will did not bother to pay attention to the rest of what he was saying, in his mind, he was processing different things, different information.Where he should go from there, what exactly he should do.How far he had to play the role of someone who was terrified.He could make it seem like he wasn’t easily, it was when he was by himself that it was more difficult.It was harder for him to adjust.

 


	16. Sakizuke

> **Sakizuke** : an appetizer similar to an amuse-bouche.

 

It was really more like he was wearing a mask at that point, that he was putting up this false identity of being scared of where he was, and in a sense he was.Mental hospitals had always been a place that he had wanted to avoid out of a fear if they even got whiff of him that they would never let him leave.For someone like him, that was a very real fear; he had always known he was different and that his mind worked in different ways, what he had not wanted to ever find out was if that difference was because he was unique or if it was because he was mentally unstable.Though, since he was no in one it could have been argued that yes, he was mentally unstable.

Or at least that was what he was supposed appear as, the frightened man reaching back out to a man who had helped him in the past, who had been his anchor.Maybe he should put aside the attempts to say that he was a killer, and accept the help that was there and available for him.He had to play the part, he had to be perfect because that was what he wanted to do.He wanted to show Hannibal that he was fighting, that he knew what he had to do and how he had to appear and play that part with such perfection that there would be no doubt in anyone’s mind that he believed with all his heart that he was innocent.

What was currently frightening him, and what he figured would frighten any individual in his position, was the idea that at his trial he would be up for the federal death penalty.If they found him guilty, he would die.Will knew in his heart that he was innocent, it was a matter of getting everyone else to believe him, trying to show them what he believed and knew to be true.He was trying to throw as much doubt off of himself as possible and put it on another target.

One person had known, one person believed him enough that she had risked going there to see him just to let him know.Bedelia had said that she believed him about Hannibal Lecter.Good, someone else who believed him was something he could cling too, even if in the back of his mind he knew that he would not remain in the hospital, he would be out of there even if Hannibal had not told him the entire plan, it did not end with him staying in there for the rest of his life.How it got from point A to point B was a mystery, as was why Hannibal would so something like killing a killer before the FBI had caught him.  

To Will, that had seemed foolish, a move meant to paint a picture but to stop the murders? No that was not Hannibal’s style, for him or at least when he tried to imagine why Hannibal would do such a thing, it was related to compassion.It was the action of a man who knew what it was like to suffer, and to want to see the world in a different way.The completion of the eye using the man in the middle as the reflection, it let him become a part of his art, it would let him be remembered rather than fade away into the background.If Will was teaching it would certainly be a case study for the class, and a test to see how many of them would realize that the victims were not seen as humans, but as paint colors to be used in a truly exceptional masterpiece.

“How are you feeling Will?” He lifted his eyes to see Hannibal standing outside of his cell, coat folded over his arm, with Alana Bloom standing not far behind him. There was something in their eyes that he could not quite read, and that was unsettling, it meant that there was something that had gone wrong or something unexpected.Or maybe that was what Hannibal wanted him to think. Alana was easier to read, she was concerned plain and simple.

“I feel fine.”

“Are you going to continue to consult on cases?”

“Did Jack tell you that I was?And here I thought they had found a perfect replacement.” _He’s replaced his sick old coonhound with a new highly intelligent bloodhound, Dr. Lecter.He’s using you._

“They needed someone to assist, I saw no harm in helping with a few cases when I find the time.”

“Or when the need demands it?”

“I am able to see the world how I think you did Will, and it is dark, full of horrors.”

“And yet here I am, stuck in it.Is that what you are trying to say?”

“No, I am saying that you are strong, something that both Dr. Bloom and myself agree upon.”

“But?”

“But Will,” Alana started stepping forward.“Working on these cases is not something that is going to help on your recovery, if you keep allowing your mind to reflect on that darkness.”

“Then I’ll what? Be trapped? I am trapped, see the bars?It helps me to feel normal for a moment in my life while I am stuck in this place.”Will looked away from them rubbing his hands together in an effort to warm them.“Besides, neither of you are my doctor, you really can’t tell me what I have to do.”He glanced towards Hannibal who was smirking just enough that Will was able to see it.He liked what was being said, he liked how Will was reacting.

“Dr. Chilton says you haven’t been cooperating with him,” Alana said in a questioning tone.

“That’s because like Jack he doesn’t see me as anything more than a means to an end.For Jack I was a hunting dog, for Chilton I am a prized pony.”

“That is not the way that Jack saw you Will.”

“No, now he sees me as a killer.” _And maybe I am._

“Will, you need to let him help you.If you do that then maybe-“

“Maybe what Alana? If I go to trial and lose I get the death penalty.It’s almost guaranteed that I am going to lose, I have nothing.No one believes me.Not even you.”Will sat back down on the mattress in his room.“Please go.I don’t want to talk any longer.”

It didn’t matter if they kept talking to him, he got what he needed from Hannibal, that glance that told him that everything was going how it was supposed to.He was supposed to be there, things were happening in the correct way.It still made him angry though that he did not know the rest of the plan.He wanted to, he felt that he had the right to.At least he had one other person who believed him and was at least trying to help besides Hannibal.

There was always Beverly Katz after all.

 


	17. Hassun

> **Hassun:** The second course which sets the seasonal theme, often containing sushi and several smaller side dishes

Something had gone wrong.Will was not sure what, but something had gone terribly wrong to the point where he could feel his heart beating rapidly.The plan, or at least what he had known about it, was for enough reasonable doubt placed upon Will in order to be able to have the case dismissed, thrown out, and to let him go home.An official diagnosis, that was what he was going to say, have an outburst and say that if it was a diagnosis they wanted, then he’d take the tests, whatever they’d give him.Emotional, just enough to make it seem like he really was worried about what was going on and the direction.He knew what it’d find, an empathy disorder with tendencies that were closer to Autism and Asperger’s, or maybe actually a diagnosis of Asperger’s.  

What had happened?Two people were dead and the killer was still out there.With the first death, it had been a good chance to use it to his advantage, use it to throw suspicion onto someone else. A tale spun as the real killer wanting to take credit, having a relationship with the guard that caused the desire to end their life before mutilating them in the different ways.It did not work, and the judge had thrown it out as a defense. In that moment, Will had felt as if the floor had turned to quicksand, and began to swallow him whole.What was he supposed to do?How was he supposed to react in that moment, when the defense he had wanted to use had been thrown out, and he could no longer use unconsciousness.

_Make them believe you are insane.Make them begin to think that you are truly unstable, not guilty by reason of mental disease or defect._

It had been a plan, it had at least started to occur to him that with all of his insistence of being innocent, not once had he said that he was not insane. Sure, he had said it to Dr. Bloom and Hannibal at certain points in time, but never once as a part of the defense.He had been all set to suggest it to his lawyer, when everything had changed and shifted again.  

The judge had been dead, put on display in the same way as the Chesapeake Ripper.A display of a man who had been by any sense of the term, rude.Justice is heartless and blind.It was a perfect display and he was certain that if he could see a picture, he would be able to just imagine Hannibal standing there, disguised enough that no one would be able to recognize him on security tapes, covered in blood having carried out the deed.That…or it had been the same individual who had killed the guard.  

You have an admirer Will, it would be a shame to let his love go to waste.

It had almost seemed like Hannibal knew who it was who had done those things, that he had an idea bout who his admirer was.If he did that would certainly explain several things.If he didn’t, then this was dangerous territory for the both of them, a fine line that they were having to walk while not revealing too much about what they knew, what they didn’t know. 

Someone was killing for him, someone who was not Hannibal, which was, if he was being honest with himself, what he had expected Hannibal to do in order to rescue him.He could close his eyes and practically see Hannibal setting the stage, committing those crimes to get him off, to provide that level of reasonable doubt that he would need in order to be found not guilty…That had not been the plan though.

It was frustrating, that what his job was was to simply sit there and do nothing, rely on Hannibal go get what he needed to do in order to get him out of that god awful place that he was trapped in.He wanted to escape, he wanted to get out of there and no longer be that person who everyone wanted to get a piece of.His mind was something that was valuable, and he knew it.He knew exactly what the people there thought of him. It made him want to cry, scream, it made him want to-

“Mr. Graham are you alright?”

Will looked up, through the bars to see the orderly standing there, a slight look of concern on his features.“Why do you ask?”

“You hand.”

Will lowered his gaze to his hand, his knuckles white from how hard he had been clenching his fist.Blood seeped from between his fingers, his nails having cut deep into his palm the more and more he had thought about what had happened with his trial.Everything was going to start over, and the pressure that had placed on his mind he had not been aware of his nails digging into his palm.

“Come on, we should get that cleaned up and bandaged.Not too bad but better safe than sorry in a place like this yeah?”

He nodded his head, but didn’t move.He let the orderly disappear and come back with a small medical kit, and only then did Will place his hand through the bar and let the orderly clean it.“Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me Mr. Graham, it’s my job to take care of you,” he said cleaning the small half moon cuts on his palm, bandaging them.“Shame to hear about the trial, are they going to be restarting it?”

“I don’t know.”

“Have to admit Mr. Graham, out of all of them here, you’re the one who is the easiest to get along with, a perfect picture of a perfect patient.”

“That a compliment?” 

“Of course, means you’re not trying to claw my eyes out for giving you food.”

A flicker of a smile formed on Will’s lips for a fraction of a second as he pulled his hand back, a bandage wrapped around it to protect the small cuts.“Confinement has been proven to drive some animals crazy…maybe this place makes us worse than what we are.”

“Maybe it also impacts the staff.Have a good night Mr. Graham.”

Will nodded sitting back on the cot, watching as the orderly walked away.He was alone, at least for the moment.The worry would come back, the worry he would be locked away forever, and the fear that it could mean his death.Something had to be done. 

If only he actually had a clue as to what that would be.

 


	18. Takiawase

 

> **Takiawase:** Vegetables service with meat, fish, or tofu; the ingredients are simmered separately

It hadn’t been a smart decision to let Chilton begin to do therapy with him, but it had been something that had to happen. He had to let someone analyze his mind and help him get that diagnosis of what was going on with him.He had not expected the narco-analytic interview, he had not expected to learn about what the flashing lights could do or the memories that he was going to uncover.What he had needed right then was a friend, and he had started to ask to see Hannibal not long after that first interview.He was exhausted, and wanted to crawl into a bed, curl up in a ball, and sleep.That was what he wanted, the only thing that he wanted to do and not to bother with the talk with Chilton before he would be allowed to see Hannibal.

He went through the motions, talked about why Beverly Katz had been to see him again, talked about how he felt about how his treatment was going, talked about if he had been seeing any new hallucinations, some new memories or thoughts.Same questions, same results, a promise he would take some new paper test that Chilton wanted him to take, a reminder that he had agreed to do this and not to talk about his therapy with Dr. Lecter, and he was finally able to see Hannibal.It would have been the first time since the trial that he would see him, and Will hoped that by doing that he would feel some level of relief, his mind would be refreshed in a way that it had not been before.

His eyes were closed, just waiting until he heard the familiar sound of footsteps and the door closing, signaling Hannibal’s arrival, to open his eyes.A faint smile took shape on his face, his shoulders seeming to relax.  

“I am surprised Dr. Chilton let me visit you this time Will, he cancelled our last appointment.”

“He caught me in a bad moment, got me to agree to therapy with him.”

“It is probably for the best, gives your mind a different person to reach out to and help.”

“My mind feels like I just walked out of a blender rather than feeling relaxed,” Will said running his hand over his face, the chains rattling against the table as he did so. “I’m not sure if his methods fit with my personality Dr. Lecter.”

“You would do well to listen to Fredrick, Will.He is a good doctor, what happened with Abel Gideon was an unfortunate occurrence, something that has not happened with his other patients.He would not be the head of the hospital if that had been the case.”

“Or maybe because people are afraid of him?”

“Will, you need to cooperate with him.”

“I don’t want to, I want to get out of here! I want to go home, I want-I want my dogs.I want one person to believe me when I say that I was set up.”His hands had started to shake, enough that he started to open and close his hands trying to ease his tension, his eyes catching the small marks that were still on his palms from what had happened, when he had cut his own hand open with his nails.Tension, it was starting to affect him in ways that he had not actually expected to experience.

“I believe you.”

“No you don’t, you think the same way Dr. Bloom, Dr. Chilton, Jack, and all the others do.Beverly believes me, at least enough to try and help me.”

“What is she to you Will? A means to an end? A tool?”

“She’s a friend.One of the few that I have, one of the few who have stuck by me throughout this…this…”

“Circus?”

“Exactly.”

“Be careful Will, things can happen suddenly that can take those we care about away from us.It happened to the both of use when we were children did it not?”

“My mother leaving has nothing to do with this.”

“Your attachments are unstable, you’ve come to expect the worst in people.What would happen if you were to suddenly have a stable one taken away?”

“You mean like yourself?”

“Myself, Alana Bloom, and others.”

“I’m not talking about my family with you I just…I wanted to talk to a friend.”

“You are talking to me Will.Tell me, how are you feeling with everything that has happened with your trial?”

It didn’t feel like it, there was an uneasy knot in his stomach; maybe it was left over from a session with Chilton, or maybe he was expecting something.“Numb, afraid.I’m worried that if the trial resumes, I am going to be found guilty, and they’re going to kill me.”He could remember the nightmare, the image of himself strapped into the chair, watching as he electrocuted himself.“I want to go home Hannibal, I didn’t do it, I didn’t kill anyone I swear…”

They kept talking for a while, Will asked about his dogs, Hannibal told him about a couple of the cases they had been working on, including the one with the man whose head had been turned into a beehive and the woman who still practice lobotomies.By the time Hannibal had to leave or else be late for his appointment with Bella Crawford, Will was feeling better.His body was more relaxed, his mind more at ease than it had been in hours.

It was around dinner time though when his mind began to process what had been said, a series of pieces falling into place.He had mentioned Beverly, that she was someone who believed him.Hannibal had to know that Beverly was still looking into his case, had to know who Will was supposed to be accusing of being the real killer.

_Be careful Will, things can happen suddenly that can take those we care about away from us._

It hit him like a ton of bricks in that moment, what exactly was going to happen.He had no way to know if he could stop it, he had no way to know if there was anything he could do to help in that moment.Beverly was in danger, he had to warn her, he had to keep her safe.His friend…his friend was in danger and Hannibal was going after her.

_Go to Jack and tell him everything, but stay away from Hannibal Lecter._

He was at the bars, the dinner tray on the floor, bits of food scattered around the cell, his hands grasping at it so tightly his knuckles were white and starting to ache.He had to call out for help, and he tried, he needed a phone and he had to get the guards attention.But that was the problem, no one believed him, they all thought he was insane and the only response he got was to tell him Dr. Chilton had gone home and that he’d have to wait until the morning.

Will sank to the ground, finding it hard to breathe, almost impossible for him to take a breath.Beverly was at risk, she was walking right into the hands of the Ripper and she had no idea, and he had no idea how to warn her.

For the first time since he had arrived at the hospital, Will Graham closed his eyes and he allowed himself to cry.

 


	19. Mukōzuke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note: This chapter takes place just after Will would have been told that Matthew Brown failed, I apologize if that is not clear.

> **Mukōzuke:** A sliced dish of seasonal sashimi

“We had to sedate him,” Fredrick Chilton told the people who had arrived to see the infamous Will Graham.“When he heard what happened to you Dr. Lecter, and that it was Matthew who had done it, he started to yell sounded more like that of an animal than anything human.It took two guards to hold him down so we could administer the sedative.Said he was going to…rip out Gideon’s throat and hang him with it, then gut us like the spineless pigs that we are.”

“He tried to have Hannibal killed,” Alana said, something between a mix of anger and remorse in her voice. “We wanted to know why.”

“Beverly…”

The rest went silent.Will’s eyes were glazed over, staring over towards the wall.He did it for revenge, he did it because he had lost someone he cared about.He had sent Matthew after Dr. Lecter for Beverly.

* * *

“You know what you are.”

Will lifted his eyes looking across his cell towards the sink, which the shadowy figure leaned against.“And what exactly is that?”

“A murderer, Will he killed your friend and you’re going to sit here and do nothing about it?”

“I haven’t killed anyone.”

The figure moved into the light, the ashen skin, the dull eyes, he was staring at himself, a different version; a ghost of himself.It tilted its head the side and clicked his tongue.“Poor Beverly, you have to wonder what it was like for her to stare into his eyes as he choked her.Or as she frozen to death because after all, she was only unconscious.”

“I’m not a killer.”

“Yes, you are, or you could be don’t you get it?You can become what you are supposed to be and free yourself from that man.”

“I’d be stuck in here.” 

“Says who?Maybe he did it by himself, and you’d be with someone who does seem to care about you more than Hannibal Lecter does.”

“Hannibal is-“

“Hannibal killed Beverly.He killed your friend and all you can do is sit here and cry.Get up and get angry, and accept it Will.He killed your friend, and you sent a killer after him.”

Will didn’t move just started to rub at the back of his neck.It felt like he had been hunched over all day, the longest day that he could remember.It was worse than when he had learned what his mother thought he was, it was worse than when he had first been arrested.Beverly Katz had been trying to help him, and for that she had been killed, put on display like the crimes that she had investigated. He pulled his fingers away from his neck and stand, his skin had turned black as if he had been out in the cold, and his skin had died from frostbite, and it was spreading across his skin.

“You are a killer.You have always had it in you now it is time to embrace what you are.Say it, say you asked someone to kill for you, say it and admit that it would feel good to be the one to do it yourself because she was your friend.He lied to you, he has changed everything since the guard was killed and you’re what? You are kept in here like a prized pet who is at a daycare while their owner goes off and does whatever the hell they wanted.”

“I’m not a dog.”

“No? Jack Crawford called you his bloodhound, what makes you think Hannibal Lecter is so different from Jack?”

“Hannibal was trying to help me with what I am,” Will said staring at the figure in the corner as he slowly got to his feet moving over to the sink to splash water on his face.  

“And look where you are.You are here with me.Can’t ignore me any longer Will.You’re not a child who still believes in the power of wishing, wishing doesn’t work for you anymore.”

Will looked into the mirror, the darkness spreading along his skin.His mother had called him a demon, maybe she had been right all along.As he watched it invaded his eyes, turning them white as snow, a pair of small horns coming from his head.“You crave it, you want to know what it feels like to take a life, you want to know why these killers continue to do it beyond what you have learned from your ability.You want to feel the blood on your hands, taste it on your lips and you want to take pleasure in killing someone who truly deserves it.”

Will shook his head, rubbing at his face to try and remove what had to be dye from his skin.It wasn’t coming off, it had stuck to his skin, had become a part of him in a way that he had no wanted to.When he looked back up into the mirror, all he saw was that same black figure that he had seen only when he had been looking at Hannibal, staring back at him.  

The sound of running footsteps had caught his attention and looked towards the bars, going over to them like the others.“Barney what’s going on?” he asked as the orderly walked by, an alarm going off.Something had happened, something was wrong.  

“Dr. Lecter was attack, Mr. Brown was shot.” 

That was the only response he got, and something in him in that moment broke.He yelled he slammed his fists against the bars of his cell.Lecter was alive, he was alive and he had failed to be able to help Beverly.There was so much he wanted to do, so much he could have done if he was out of there.She was dead and Hannibal was going to walk free with nothing bad happening to him.Matthew had failed…his admired had failed and had been stopped.  

“Such a shame, seems like your little bird failed Mr. Graham.”

Will’s arm shot out between the bars trying to claw at Gideon even if the logical part of his mind knew he couldn’t reach him.“I’m going to kill you! I’m going to kill you and I’m going to rip out your throat and hang you with it.Like what you did to your therapists. I swear to God I will kill you.”

“Will Graham step back from the bars.”

Will looked towards the guards, his eyes blazing, a smirk on his lips. “Oh look it’s Chilton’s little guard dogs, tell me is he still able to function after he lost a kidney? You know I bet the two of you would make a good pair.”The guards opened his cell stepped in, shoving Will against the wall cuffing his hands as a nurse came into the room.“I’m gonna kill you all of you, like the fuckin’ pigs you are.”  

* * *

 

It had happened again, that he had done something to push away the one person who cared, the one who had been trying to help him.What he was feeling in that moment though, it wasn’t regret, it was betrayal.He felt like he had had the rug pulled out from under him, and now there was no way to stand back up.  

“Mr. Graham are you ready to talk?”

“I’m not talking to you Chilton, I’m not talking to Lecter, or Bloom.I’m done with all of you.”He turned the best he could in the bed so he wasn’t looking at him.In the back of his mind he knew exactly how he could get out, but by then he was tired, and all he wanted was to close his eyes and escape into his imagination, a place that was safe for him.

 


	20. Futamono

 

> **Futamono:** A ‘lidded’ dish typically a soup

Will was uncertain as to what was going on, why he had so suddenly been taken into the privacy room, and why everyone in the hospital was talking in hushed whispers.Something had happened that had caused some sort of change in the atmosphere, and all he could think about was who exactly it was that had fallen victim to the Ripper.The anger had dulled, turned into a certain form of numbness that Will could not exactly explain beyond he had nothing left to feel anymore.There was nothing he felt beyond exhaustion.

By the time Jack Crawford had sat down across from him, Will had been in the room for what had felt like an entire day, when in reality it probably had not been no more than ten minutes.There was the sounds of yelling, the sounds of running footsteps, people in such chaos that Will really had no idea what was going on, not that he cared.He had nothing left to give, his heart had been tugged and torn into pieces and he could not bear to have that happen again.

At least, not until he watched as Jack had the nurse undo the cuffs on Will’s hands and from around his ankles.Confusion struck him in an instant, and he lifted his eyes to look at Jack as the other man slid his glasses across the table towards him.He had not been permitted to have them in the Hospital for fear he would use the lenses as a weapon.Will put them on, the world coming into better focus in that moment.“What happened Jack?”

The other man looked tired, as if everything in his life was going wrong.Something had happened with Bella, but there was so much more to it than that.There was something else big that was weighing on his shoulders.“We got the test results Will, none of the food contained any traces of human DNA.If your suspicions were correct, we would have found something.”

That was not exactly what Will had wanted to hear, though he was not surprised.If he were Hannibal and knew people were becoming suspicious of him, he would not use his prized meat for something like a party where anyone could be (or where anyone could take samples).“There’s more than that Jack, I’m good at knowing what people are thinking, What happened?”

And then he was told everything, how Abel Gideon had disappeared from the hospital, how his first stop had been to Dr. Lecter’s only to find him there with Alana Bloom.How the guard they found was hung up with fishing lures in the style that he had made…and what they had found in them.

The information was too much; he felt betrayed, felt as if he had been tossed aside for someone who was more available, even if his actions had been those of a man who was trying to get revenge for a friend of his.What was he supposed to do?Sit back and not accept that nothing had happened to him?Sit back and say that he was not affected?

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that when we’re done here, you will be released.The charges against you are being dropped.The lures were made with evidence from each of the murders you-“

He acted without thinking, his hand curling into a fist as he leaned across the table and hit him in the jaw.Will sat back, staring at Jack with such anger, such hatred.“I told you I was innocent, I told you that I was being framed and you didn’t believe me.You thought I was insane and the one person who did believe me? She’s dead.”He blamed Jack, he blamed him more than Hannibal in that moment.If Jack had believed him, maybe he would have been investigating alongside Beverly, and maybe no one would have had to die in the way that she did.

Will had no idea what to think of Hannibal, no idea what to call him or if their plan was even still in place.A part of him wanted nothing more than to turn around and tell him that they were done, although sending a killer after him may have been clue enough for the good doctor.But when the anger would pass, what would be left?Would he still have anything to go back to or would he simply find it time to retire take after his father and build boats, work on engines?

“Will there is something else.”It felt as if there was a sudden weight placed on the table, causing a creaking noise to draw Will back to reality.There was no chance that just the evidence would be the only thing Jack Crawford would be bothered about.“We found Miriam Lass, she's alive.”

Will did not remember the rest of the conversation after that, it felt like he was going through the motions, being given his old clothes, filling out the paper work and being escorted out the door.There were far too many things going through his mind at that moment.There was one thing that was standing out above the rest.The Ripper had let Miriam Lass live, but he had killed Beverly Katz.He had taken his friend, but let Jack’s trainee live.That did not sit well with him, something about it rubbed his skin in the wrong way.Not that he would let anyone see, no, he would wait until he was alone to break down in a way that he had not done since he had learned Beverly Katz had been murdered.

Will felt alone, more alone than he had ever been in his entire life.

 


	21. Su-zakana

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for my sudden disappearance. It was finals and I had a lot of things going on. Hopefully now that finals are over I should be able to get the fic going again.

> **Su-zakana:** A small dish used the clean the palate such as vegetables in vinegar

_If you’re going to do this Will, you have to do it for yourself._

It had been a day or so since everything that had happened with Peter Bernadone and his social worker, Mr. Ingram.All that Will could think about, and what had been causing him a certain level of discomfort, was why did Hannibal not let him pull the trigger.Why had he stopped him?Did he really not understand that yes he was doing it for Peter, but he was also doing it for himself?For all the people who had looked at him like he was less than human, for everyone who had treated him like he was someone who needed to be feared when all he had wanted was a friend.They were who he was looking at as he had held the gun at Ingram’s head.A part of him was still angry with Hannibal for stopping him, but what could he do?

With no concrete answer, Will instead distracted himself by focusing on something that he could do, help Peter.Or at least give him access to something that would help him while he was in the hospital.He had asked Jack, let the ‘Guru’ make the request, and get a therapy animal in there with Peter.A dog that was just kind and would lay there and let Peter pet him.It was just something Will thought would help.Peter had gone past one of his symptoms, the inability to look and touch at the same time when he had sewn his social worker int the horse.He wanted to give him something positive in a hope of fostering a good relationship between those two senses again.Whether or not it would work, Will did not know, he wasn’t a trained psychologist or psychiatrist, he was just a teacher who would sometimes consult for the FBI.

“Why didn’t you let me kill him?” Will asked standing in the kitchen with Hannibal, watching as he prepared a meal for the two of them.For the most part, the conversation had been pleasant in a way that Will was honestly surprised to have with the other man.Hannibal had said that he would be tested, need to prove that he was with him, not against him.“I wasn’t going to do it for Peter, I was going to do it for me.”

A puff of flour came up from the cutting board as Hannibal set the beef roulade down in the flour, there was a pause before a sigh came from him.“I did it because I did not want you to pull it and regret it.You have said your desire was to kill me, I did not you to act on that desire, only to realize it was not enough.Others could have been placed in harms way if you were to act so boldly.”Another pause.“Who did you see when you were holding the gun on him?”

Will said nothing, turning his attention to the knife that Hannibal had left on the counter top.He held it in his hand, looking at the reflection of his eyes in the metal.That was a question that he was not entirely sure he was ready to answer.“Guns are impersonal, I wouldn’t want to do it that way if I had too.I don’t want…”

“Will, you did not answer my question.Who did you see?”

“My mother, my father, I saw the teachers in school who didn’t stop the ones who were being mean to me.I saw the priest my mother hired to try and exorcise the demon that she believed was in me.I saw every single person who I have wanted to make pay for what they did to me.”He lifted his eyes away from the knife and fixed on hannibal.“And I saw you, for what you did to me, for leaving me in the place that I fear most of all, and for killing my friend.”

His hands had started to shake in the way he had when he was a child and had been put on the spot by one of his teachers.It was a nervous reaction, something that happened only after he had been asked something that he had no desire to actually answer.Hannibal said that it would not have felt as good as killing him would, and Will was no longer entirely certain how much of that he believed, or if Hannibal was even being sincere when he had said that.

“If you are going to use your hands, then do that, do not use the gun simply because it is the simplest option available.”

“What does it matter? You stopped me, we’re never going to know what I would have done,” Will replied a sharp note in the tone of his voice.It was the second time that someone had stopped him; the second time that his hand had been stayed when he had wanted to pull the trigger.It was a frustrating experience for him, being told two different things, embrace what he was but not like that.Maybe if he just acted then no one would be able to stop him, change his mind, or even know what would happen.In the back of his mind, however, Will knew that Hannibal was right about the situation with Ingram, but for the moment it was difficult to see past the anger he was feeling.

“Ingram was supposed to help Peter.He was supposed to help him, but he-“

“I know, but where Peter is now he will be able to get the help he needs.No one is blaming him for what happened Will.”

“You should have let me pull the trigger.”

“And what would that have accomplished?What would have been the result if I had let you kill that man?”

“It would have made sure that man got what he deserved.”

“You killed a man Will, do you deserve that?”

Will froze, having been pacing around the room like a caged wolf, needing to move as a way of releasing the anxiety and tension that he was experiencing as a result of the conversation. Did he deserve the same fate as Garrett Jacob Hobbs?“No.I wouldn’t go after innocent people, some people do not deserve to live because of what they do.”

“And what fate would you prescribe me?”

“I don’t know.”

“You haven’t thought on it?With everything that has happened, not once have you thought what you would wish upon me Will?”

Will stayed quiet for a moment, his mind working over what Hannibal had said.Of course he had thought about it, and his responses seemed to change from day to day.It was difficult for him to pinpoint one thing that was what he wanted and what he hoped would happen to Hannibal Lecter…but he deserved a chance at least?A fighting chance.

“We need to talk,” he said suddenly, finding it difficult to look at him, shame settling in the pit of his stomach.

“What would you like to Will?”

“Jack knows, and he wanted to use me to get to you.”

 


	22. Shiizakana

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize that this chapter is so late.

> **Shiizakana:** A substantial dish such as a hot pot

It had taken all of his strength to fend off Randall and the cave bear costume; as a man who at one point in time could not even fire a weapon at another man, it was a change that he had to make.As a man who just had one of his dogs injured, the dogs who were such a significant part of his life, he saw no other option.It was a pent up anger, a combination of all the jabs about him collecting strays, comments about his concern for the animals who were what he considered his family.Seeing Buster injured, something in him had snapped, and that dark part of his soul, the creature he had been fighting back for so long came forth.

The shattering of the window to his right barely registered more than the subtle change in pressure as wind rushed towards his face, whipping his hair to the side.The shotgun in his hands became more of a club, his hands moving to the barrel as he swung it, the handle colliding with Randall’s helmet with a sickening crunch.He knew that more than likely, it was the suit that the man wore that had received the damage more than the man himself.Yet the moment of stunned and dazed confusion that flicked across the other man’s eyes was all Will needed to drop to his knee and pull the hunting knife out of the sheath on his ankle.When Randall lunged next, Will kept himself low until the last moment, waiting until Randall was almost on top of him to thrust the knife upwards, into his abdomen…

* * *

 

Will stood in Hannibal Lecter’s dining room, his body aching with the effort that it had taken to drag the dead weight up into the house without being seen.While his own car was not an uncommon sight around Hannibal’s, a dead body would be noticeable, something that would be reported, that is, of course, if he had been spotted.All it had taken was his ability that he was famed for, and he was able to determine how exactly he could get Randall inside without anyone noticing.Then all he had to do was wait, letting the darkness around him keep him safe.

The empath lifted his eyes when the lights turned on in the dining room revealing the corpse that he had displayed on the table.There was a cold ferocity in his eyes, that of a hunter, of the wolf who had fixed on his prey and was just waiting for the right moment to strike as he stared down at the lion. 

“Now we’re even.”

The words hung heavy in the air, filling the gap between the two of them.Will had tried to kill Hannibal, and Hannibal had tried to kill him.What had resulted was that Will had become exactly what he now realized Hannibal had wanted, a beast.The kindness had left his eyes, leaving in their place what had been developing since Will Graham had been a child.As he stepped around to the other side of the table, his gloved hands by his side, one still holding the knife.Would he kill Hannibal? No, but if he really wanted to he had no doubt in his mind that despite the protest of his aching muscles, he would be able to do so.

“Are you happy Dr. Lecter?” He asked, a slight smirk on his features.“I killed the monster, I killed your prized student.”There was venom in his words as he set the knife down on the table, dried blood still stuck to the blade.All of his forensic training had been forgotten in that moment, there was one thing in his mind.“And I know what I want to do with him.He wanted to be an animal so I’m going to make him into one.”

He could see it in his mind, all he needed was a skeleton to be able to create his design.He knew how to skin a carcass, how to separate flesh from muscle and bone, and how to mount it.It was what he had every intention of doing, at least, after he skinned Randall Tier.“Don’t you think it is fitting?You said yourself the patient believed that he was a cave bear, a sort of species dysphoria am I right?”He was challenging Hannibal, confronting him and pushing him to see just how far he could go before Hannibal would react.What was that level that he could get to before the other man would recoil or lash out.Everyone had that point, that line in the sand.

Hannibal was still silent, no trace of emotion on his features and for Will that was infuriating.He wanted a reaction.He wanted Hannibal to agree to what he was suggesting that they do to the man who had been attacked him.His eyes were fixed on Hannibal as the man reached forward and picked up the knife that Will had set on the table, and brought it up to Will’s cheek, pressing the blade against his skin not hard enough to draw blood.

It was a simple message, one that Will understood instantly; Hannibal was in charge, and Hannibal could still kill him if he wanted too.It would have been easy for him, he had, after all, been doing it for an extremely long time.The blade moved from his cheek to just under his chin, forcing Will’s head up.“Tell me your design.”

A grin spread across the empath’s lips, one unlike any that Hannibal had seen before.“Randall honestly believed he was a cave bear, it seems only fair to turn him into such a creature.”Will reached up, gently pushing the blade from his neck. “The museum has a sabertooth tiger skeleton that is being repaired by Randall, he has all the parts in his workshop.Little monitors or else someone would have seen the machine.” He leaned up, standing on the balls of his feet so he could whisper into Hannibal’s ear.“Separate flesh from muscle, bit by bit, apply it to the bone and give him what he so longed for.Make him into a beast.”

He could see the smile that flicked across Hannibal’s features.“Then we have a lot of work to do, we should get started.”


End file.
